Muffin’s Funnies! #33

Hi, hi to everyone!😻 My human tell me it little bit warmer today. I ask him, how much is little bit? He tell me it 59F (15C) today. I ask what it was yesterday. He tell me it 59F (15C) yesterday. I sit blinking at him. How that is little bit warmer? Look to me like it same temperature. But he say it two hours earlier in day, so that make it little bit warmer. I sit blinking at him. Then I bite back of leg and he dance around room going “Wow, wow, wow, wow!” He tell me no, he not go wow, he go “ow, ow, ow, ow!” I tell him it little bit different.😹 Here is funnies for today!

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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”

She said, “I’m broke and haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said, “Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.”

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I don’t let my age define me, but the side effects are getting harder to ignore.

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Two kids are talking to each other. One says, “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m worried sick!”

The other kid says, “What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”

The first kid says, “Well, they told me I have to leave home when I turn 30, and my birthday is next week!”

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Somebody just threw a handful of Omega 3 tablets at me! It’s okay, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

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My dog swallowed my entire bag of Scrabble tiles, so I took him to vet to get him checked out. No word yet.

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A couple went to the county courthouse to get a marriage license.  They accidentally walked into the office that handled hunting licenses.

“We’re from out of state,” said the prospective groom. “Can we get a license?”

The clerk replied, “No, but I can give you a three-day permit.”

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If his dating app says he has a corner office with a view of the entire city, he drives a $500,000 vehicle, and he gets paid to travel … he might be a bus driver.

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Friend #1: My girlfriend set fire to all her outstanding bills.

Friend #2: What’s her name again?

Friend #1: Bernadette.

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Well, that all for today everyone. I hope you all have nice day and week too!

Muffin. 😽 ©2025 Muffin McLeod.