Muffin’s Funnies! #35

Hi, hi to everyone!😻 I back again with funnies for you today! I ask my human what funny thing he do since last week. He say nothing. I look at him. I ask why he not do something funny. He say he not know, just not do something. I tell him he slipping and need to get with program.😾 How people supposed to laugh at him if he not do something?😹 That very bad. Maybe next week he do better. Anyway, here is today’s funnies for you to enjoy!

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A rich old man had three younger friends that he wanted to do something nice for. He summoned them to his mansion. He told them he wanted to do something nice for each of them and was gonna give each one million dollars.

There was one stipulation, upon his death he wanted to be buried with that million from each of them. They all agreed. Several years later, the old man died. Fast forward to the grave site, the three men are there all by themselves.

First man says to the second man: “You know, I’m gonna miss our friend. But I have to admit it was tough to put all that money in the coffin.”

Second man acknowledges and says, “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

The first two men look across the grave and say to the third man, “You don’t look so sad. Did you put your million in the coffin too?”

Third man says: “Oh yes, I did, and I’m gonna miss him too. But I gave him a check for the full amount.”

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What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

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WAYS TO TELL YOU’RE OVER THE HILL

> You’re sitting on a park bench one day and someone comes up and helps
you cross your legs.

> Lawn care is the highlight of your week.

> Your insurance company sends you their calendar … one month at a time.

> You’ve noticed that gelatin desserts are a lot tougher to chew these days.

> Your bed has more options than your car.

> One of the throw pillows on your sofa is a hot water bottle.

> It takes a couple of tries to get over speed bumps.

> You discover that the words, “whippersnapper,” “scalawag,” and “by cracky”
have begun creeping into your vocabulary.

> You hear yourself saying, “Why, I remember when….” more than three times
a day.

> You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

> You look both ways before crossing a room.

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It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

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I had the toughest time of my life!

First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.

I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I even had gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don’t know how I pulled through it.

It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had.

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Short-order cooks call themselves “pressure cookers.”

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Dad is down at the auto dealership, looking at potential choices.

“Cargo space?” he asks the salesperson.

The salesperson, slightly confused, finally replies, “No, car
go road.”

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That all for today everyone, have very nice day to all of you!

Muffin. 😽 ©2025 Muffin McLeod.