For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi everyone! It’s that time of the week again when I bring you some jokes to laugh about, or chuckle with, or groan over, or maybe wish they had never come along. Whatever the case, I know you enjoy them in some sort of way which keeps me bringing them to you. Please feel free to laugh as much as you would like!
======
“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo.”
======
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool. Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
======
Taking great pains to be specific, the new auto-shop teacher on our staff
explained to three of his students that he wanted them to clean a car that
was parked outside. He gave them two extension cords, the vacuum cleaner, a
bucket, rags and the car keys. He mentioned that the car was one to be used
in his class.
Later he went out and discovered them sitting in the car, feet up on the
dashboard, listening to the stereo. “Why aren’t you vacuuming the car?” he
asked.
“Because the extension cord wouldn’t reach,” was the reply.
Exasperated, the teacher stated, “That’s why I gave you two.”
“We tried the other one,” a student said, “but it wouldn’t reach either.”
======
One of the weirdest things about been an adult is having a favorite stove
top burner. No one talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.
======
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago.
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
“Yes,” he replied.
“When did you graduate?” I asked.
He answered, “In 1953.”
“Why, you were in my class!” I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, “What did you teach?”
======
After dinner one evening, my dad starting entertaining our dinner guest by playing the piano.
At one point he turned to the visitor and said, “I understand you love music?”
“Yes,” murmured the guest politely. “But never you mind, you keep right on playing…”
======
To your stomach all potatoes are mashed
======
Well, that’s all I have for you today. Have a wonderful day everyone and God bless!
Steve. ©2026 Steve McLeod.
Well, we left the last chapter with Misty and Steffie together in their new ‘hidey spot’, as Steffie calls it, and they were eating donuts that Steffie had sneaked from the kitchen especially to help Misty feel better. Misty wanted to go help in Australia, but Samantha said no since Misty and three of her girls were not fully recovered from their wounds obtained on our last case. So, Misty was really feeling down, discouraged, depressed and so on. I know the feeling.
I want to go as well, but again, Samantha said no to that. While enjoying their donuts I came along to visit with them, although I was sure they wouldn’t want me too. Instead they each offered me a donut. “I figured Steffie sneaked these last donuts,” I said, “you were taught by the best.” “Yep”, she said. “Nope,” said Misty, “you’re the best in everything Steve.” “YES!” agreed Steffie. “But not in sneaking,” I said, “or thinking, or helping, or computers, or fighting, or…” Misty put her hand over my mouth.
“Stop that!” she said, “You are best, that’s why you’re the Leader.” Just then I sensed trouble close by and I told Misty to stay here with Steffie. I then left and went downstairs. A limousine had driven up and parked. The driver got out and said he wanted to talk with me. “Where’s Jennifer and Kristina?” I asked Celestine. “Visiting with our patients,” she replied. “Anya, call them for me while I go out,” I said. “No, you can’t go out there alone,” said Celestine. “Aurora, Abigail, Coral, come with me please,” I said.
Out we went as Jennifer and Kristina came running from the clinic. Rock is guarding our guests right now or I would have brought him out with me too. As we walked out to the car, Jennifer and Kristina arrived at the door and came running outside and caught up with us just as a man in the back seat aimed some kind of gun at us. Abigail and I fell to the ground and the driver jumped back into the car. The man in the front seat then began to shoot just as Jennifer jumped at the car door, smashing it inwards at the man!
Kristina was now at the other side and smashed the window of the driver, grabbing him and pulling him from the car. The man in the back then shot with his “gun” at Jennifer, but it didn’t affect her and she reached in and pulled the man out of the car. The other girls then began shooting at the remaining occupants, killing them all. Jennifer was outraged and beat the man she had until he was unconscious. Although this curious gun knocked me down, it didn’t do any serious damage to me, but Samantha wanted to check me thoroughly anyway.
Abigail was seriously hurt by it though, causing burns and muscle damage, plus broken bones in her arm and shoulder and 4 ribs. Jazzy looked at it but said it wasn’t anything from Toledo’s handiwork. The wounded girls were taken to the clinic and I told Cristy to call Misty and tell her it was safe to bring Steffie out now. Jennifer, Kristina and Rock went in to visit our guests. “Rock,” said Jennifer, “Garret is yours.” He then broke a bone in one arm, then broke 3 ribs, then punched him numerous times until he was knocked out.
“Blake is yours Kristina,” said Jennifer. She smiled and began to punch and kick Blake until he was lying on the floor groaning. “Now it’s your turn Bradley,” said Jennifer. “Wait!” he said, “What’s going on, what has my brother done now?” “He tried to kill my husband,” she said, “and he wounded some of our girls. I’m not sure how he found us, but he did, and you will pay for that with your life.” “Wait a minute,” he said, “maybe we can make a deal. We have a lot in our vault at Intimate Jewels and my brother can’t access it without me. If I give you my half, then you just need his half to get in, just don’t tell him you have my half already.”
“Deal, let’s get going, but if you are playing me for a fool, you will die slow and painful,” she said. Back in Australia. Sky and her girls were in the restaurant waiting for breakfast, the rest of the girls were not down yet. There were only a few people having breakfast that early, one family and three tables with 2 men at each. Suddenly Jennifer sensed danger for them and communicated with Sky right away. Sky looked around but nothing seemed unusual but she told her girls to get their guns ready just in case and she called Dawn and her girls to come right away.
Just then those six men stood up with guns out and began shooting! The girls shot back and Sky shot lightning balls at the men killing four of them while the other two died from gunshots. Six more of Sky’s girls were wounded, but two were minor. She had to bring four of them back to the clinic. I stopped Sky before she went back and hugged her. She was crying. “Take me back with you,” I said. “Did Samantha say it was okay?” she asked. “Let’s check with her,” I said.
Samantha looked at me and I knew right away she didn’t want to say yes, however, she did, so Sky took me with her. Later Sky brought Kat back to help Samantha with a couple of the girls, but they returned after about half an hour. And they brought Bradley’s half of the combination. Plus Carolyn had made a rubber hand like Bradley’s right hand and his thumb print which was also needed. Now we just need Hugh’s left hand, thumb print and his half of the combination. We need to do this right or we lose. Aari then called and told me Hugh was at the Intimate Jewels building so now is the time to strike.
Sky took me to where the Black Wolves were hanging out. Since Hugh already knows Sky, I had to leave her behind for now though I wanted her to stay close. I was only going to take a few men with me on this trip to visit Hugh. I will take John, Clarence, Mac, Oskar, Bear, Cal, Bomber, Jim and Dave. Plus Jennifer, she thought I wouldn’t notice her pretending to be Kat, Carine and Kitty (coming as Miss Kitty). Sky came along to disable the camera surveillance system, then she followed along invisibly.
She was pouting, what could I do? She also unlocked the door for us and in we went. No one was around, but the girls had told us where the hidden door was located that led to the basement. Down we went. “Something’s wrong Hugh,” said Wheeler, “all of our surveillance cameras are offline.” Bear then smashed the office door off it’s hinges and in we went. There were 7 men altogether and they pulled out guns right away and likewise dropped them right away.
“I would suggest not moving right now,” I told them, “or Miss Kitty, my pet jaguar will kill you, rather painfully. Now, Mr. Kingston, open that vault of yours please, and no arguing, I’m in no mood for that.” “I don’t know how you found out about this place,” he said, “but I can’t open the vault without my brother and he has been kidnapped.” “Try anyway,” I said, “or you will die, your choice.” He went over and put in his half of the combination, then put his hand on the screen.
“See, it won’t accept without my brother’s hand too,” he said. “Keep your hand in place,” I told him and I put our rubber hand on the screen and we got a green light. “Now, your thumb print Hugh,” I said and he did so. I then used our rubber thumb and we got a green light again. Then I put in Bradley’s half of the combination and the door unlocked and Bear opened it for us. “How did you get that information?” asked Hugh. “From your brother,” I said, “we bought him from some organization that had kidnapped him. They couldn’t get him to talk, but we have better methods and had no trouble at all.”
To Be Continued. ©2026 Steve McLeod.