For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi, hi, hi to everyone out there!😻 It’s me, Muffin! I back again, did anyone miss me? I was on little vacation for a few days looking for more fun funnies to share with all of you. I hope you will like them all, even the groaners, they can be funny too. My human go shopping on Monday like he always do and he say big alarm go off when he go inside. I ask him what he do. He say he not do anything. But you say alarm go off when you go into store. He say no, alarm go off after he go in store. What is difference between when you go in store and after you go in store? He say about 5 years. Then he start laughing. I look at him with half closed eyes, then I dig claws in back of his leg. He stop laughing.😹 Anyway, here is funnies for today…
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While sitting at a counter having doughnuts and coffee at a ‘quick stop’ service station, two brothers were startled to see a man step up to the cashier, holding a gun and demanding all his money. Not being satisfied with that, he made all the customers line up and proceeded to take all their valuables: watches, billfolds, etc.
As he made his way from person to person in the line, the two brothers stood waiting at the end of the line. One brother carefully reached into his pocket, pulling out some cash and slipping it into his brother’s hand.
“What’s that?” his brother whispered.
“That’s the $50 I owe you.” he replied.
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A lot of women say their husband never listens to them. I am proud to say I have never heard my wife say that.
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YOU MAY BE A FARMER IF…
~ An overnight, out-of-state trip for equipment parts is a vacation.
~ You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
~ You sometimes rinse off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife lets you in the house.
~ You’ve never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
~ You have used baling wire to attach a license plate.
~ You remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, and yields for 10 years back, but not your wife’s birthday.
~ You borrow gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
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I put my weight scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
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The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought in to be their new conductor.
Their fears were realized at the very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realizing that the conductor did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments together during a delicate, soft passage.
The music stopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra, demanding, “Who did that? Who did that?”Â
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I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes…for some strange reason she hugged me.
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A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. Â
A spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.”
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My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down. I told her it’s because I can’t stand doing them.
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That all for today everyone, hope you all have great week!!
Muffin. 😽
©2025 Muffin McLeod.
Well, we arrived early enough to make our plans and stake out this huge house. Quite likely there are men inside the house, just as there are guards surrounding the house. However, there are not enough guards outside to cause us any problems. One ghost can easily handle them, or perhaps one lion named Courage.
I wonder how much courage those guards would have when they see this huge lion coming at them that they are unable to kill? I think they would probably run away quite fast, or perhaps jump through windows to get inside the house. That wouldn’t help them though, Courage can go through walls, and he has the strength of an Angel.
“Now, we just need a way to get them to open the door so I can sneak in,” I said to Kat. “Why do you want an open door?” asked Kat. “Yes, my dear husband and ghost twin,” said Sky, “what is the purpose of wanting the door open?” “So I can get inside?” I asked in return, “Or am I missing something here?” “You’re certainly missing something my dear husband,” said Jennifer.
“Steve, you’re a ghost now, remember?” asked Angel, “You don’t need an open door to get in, you just go in.” “Right, come with me my dear husband,” said Sky. “You sure about this Kat?” I asked her, “I’m not going to knock my head against that brick wall?” “No, my dear husband,” she said giggling, “your head will be fine.” “I sure wish I could watch you walk through the wall my dear husband,” said Misty.
Then she began laughing. Loud and long. We all waited patiently for her to stop which she finally did, rather abruptly. She looked around at us and then turned a very dark pink as she became rather embarrassed. “Oops, sorry,” she said sheepishly, “I just couldn’t resist.
You were all saying ‘my dear husband’ and so I thought, well, he’s my pretend husband so I’ll say it too and, well, it hit me as being funny and so I laughed and I thought maybe all of you would think it was funny too but then you didn’t laugh which is why I suddenly stopped laughing because no one else was laughing and
I realized that you didn’t think it was funny even though I thought it was funny but I should have kept my mouth shut and not said anything instead of opening my mouth and embarrassing myself as usual and probably making Steve and especially Jennifer mad at me for saying that when
I shouldn’t have said that and now I have made everyone upset with me and I didn’t mean to do that honestly I didn’t I only meant it as a joke which I guess wasn’t funny at all and does this mean I will get put on inactive duty for speaking out of line or maybe get put on kitchen duty or bathroom duty for the next 2 months or will someone please say something?”
“Wow”, “I’ll say”, “Remarkable”, “Amazing”, “Must be a record”, “I agree”, we all said one after another. “I’m not quite sure what all she said,” I admitted, “she was talking too fast.” Jennifer gave Misty a hug. “You are allowed to say that whenever you want Misty,” she said, “since he is your husband too at times.”
“You come with me Misty,” said Sky, “and you can watch Steve walk through the wall.” “COOL!” exclaimed Misty. “The whole car just shook,” I said. Everyone laughed, including Misty. It was now nice and dark, even the street lights didn’t come on as they normally would. That was Sky’s work. “I wonder why the street lights never came on?” asked Wendel.
“Who cares?” said Helene, “It makes it darker for our escape, and that’s a good thing.” She then went into the kitchen to look out back. When she turned around I was standing there, glowing white. “Why did you have to kill me Helene?” I asked in a quavering type voice, “Jennifer would have made a deal with you. All you needed to do was increase your offer, plus let us go and you could have had Kitty. Now there is noooooo chaaaance!”
I then gave a little jump and floated up to the ceiling. “Now I’m going to haunt you and Wendel the rest of your miserable lives,” I continued, “and I’m not going to let you sleep at night any mooooorre!” I then floated back down to the floor and stood in front of Helene and gave a nice ghostly laugh. She called out to Wendel who came running into the dark kitchen right away.
“See?” she said, pointing at me, or actually at the spot where I had been standing. “See what?” asked Wendel. “Steve, the ghost,” she said impatiently. She then turned and I was gone. “He was right here, I was talking to him,” she said, “he was glowing white and floated up to the ceiling and back down again. He was just here!”
“You have been thinking way too much about ghosts Helene,” said Wendel, “now stop that and start thinking clearly. We have to get out of this mess you got us into.” “Well, maybe if you helped her more,” I said from behind him, “maybe you wouldn’t be in such a mess.” Wendel jumped right off the floor, turned around quickly and had his gun out.
“What do you expect to do with that gun?” I asked him, “I’m a ghost, that means I’m dead, you can’t kill someone that is already dead.” He tried to shoot me but his gun wouldn’t work. “What is wrong with this thing?!” shouted Wendel. Then the gun got too hot for him and he quickly shook it out of his hand. “That thing is blazing hot!” he yelled.
“You mortals just don’t want to believe,” I said, shaking my head. My head then disappeared. “Oops, sorry, lost my head,” I said, “oh, there it is.” I pretended to pick it up and put it back on. “There, that’s better,” I said. “You expect me to believe that some lame magicians trick will make me think you are a ghost?” he asked.
“Maybe after no sleep for a couple of weeks you will change your mind about that,” I said. Just then one of their men arrived in the kitchen when he heard us all talking. I then shot a bolt of electricity at him, killing him instantly. “Would you like to join him Wendel?” I asked. He was now close to the light switch and he quickly turned it on…
To Be Continued.
©2025 Steve McLeod.