Steve`s Country
For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Free Soap.
Hello everyone on this rather nice December day. Turned out to be fairly mild, though another cloudy day for us. Anyway, here is a true story for you to enjoy. From my collection of funnies.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
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Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
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Dear Maid — I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won’t need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn’t remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
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Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 745 AM and don’t get back before 530 or 6PM. That’s the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
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Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my ONE bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays, which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory, which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
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Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:
On shelf under medicine cabinet – 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser – 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser – 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside medicine cabinet – 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In shower soap dish – 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub – 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On northwest corner of tub – 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item – I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
It is a bit long, but too good to pass up, have a wonderful day and God bless!
Steve and Muffin.
© 2019 Steve McLeod.
The Perfect Christmas Tree.
Greetings everyone on this third day of December. Christmas is not far away and of course that means looking for the perfect Christmas tree! These days that is not so hard to do. It’s possible to buy them everywhere one goes. My parents never liked the idea of buying a tree. Real or fake. So, every year we went out and picked up our own real tree. We always put up our tree December 1st. Amazingly it did manage to survive a whole month. But we did keep it well watered. A very important part of using real trees.
Dad says, let’s go get the tree today. It’s too cold, I replied. Never too cold, said Dad. I’ll get the coffee ready, said I. Forget the coffee, he said. What??!! Forget the coffee??!! We’ll stop at our favorite coffee shop instead after we get the tree, said Dad. I’m half out the door! We found a good spot to look for the tree. We had to cross the ditch however. I volunteered to go first, I knew Dad would want me to anyway. No, he said, I’ll go first this time. I don’t think he trusted me. Be careful, I said, the snow might be deep. It isn’t deep, he called back, just look. I did. From a safe distance.
Suddenly Dad seemed to trip, his arms went out to the side, and he fell straight forward with a thud, face first into the snow. I walked over to him. Need some help? He lifted his head out of the snow. No, he said, I like laying in the snow. I can’t get up, he said, my arms keep sinking in the deep snow. Roll over, I suggested. He did. I helped him up. He had tripped on a rock buried under the snow and fell into an area that obviously was deeper than the rest of the ditch. Must be a hole there, I said, good thing you went first. Thanks, said Dad. You go first now, he said. Naturally.
Walking through the trees I had to move a branch from a large spruce. I let go. AAAAAAAA!!!!!!! I turned around. Poor Dad. You shouldn’t walk so close behind me, I said. Bonehead, was all he said. Okay, he’s enjoying himself. Rather odd. Dad’s face was a bit red from that branch hitting him. What are you looking for?, I asked. My glasses fell off, he said. You’re always losing your glasses, I said. Only when you’re around, he replied. We must have walked half an hour through knee deep snow. Finally we spotted the perfect tree. Give me the saw, said Dad. Saw? I didn’t bring the saw, I said.
Dad just looked at me. You left the saw in the car? I didn’t bring the saw, I thought you were going to bring it. There’s no saw at all? The look on dad’s face. Then he put his head down. We walked back to the car. We did mark that tree though, so we could find it again easily. Strangely Dad didn’t want to go for coffee either. Mainly because he forgot his wallet. So I said I would pay for coffee. That made him feel a bit better. After coffee I spotted something in the back of the car, sticking out from under a blanket. The saw! Dad shook his head. We went back and got the tree. We didn’t bother telling Mom about that part. Well, I hope you all have a great day and God bless!
Steve and Muffin.
© 2019 Steve McLeod.
Steve`s Country 