For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi to everyone on this Friday day!😺 Welcome back to my funnies for you on Friday! It very dull, cloudy day, need to have lights on. That what my human says anyway. I can see fine. He the one that have trouble to see. There is lots of light. But he say no, it dull, it dark, so he need lights on to make it brighter. Okay, it brighter with lights on, me see that. But not need lights on to see, just open eyes, see just fine. My human try it. He walk into wall. Hurts nose. Maybe he right, he need to have lights on.😹 Oh well, here is funnies for Friday…
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The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three thousand dollars, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, throw that full glass of water into the wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands on the desk and takes careful aim, but when he throws the glass, water covers the man’s desk, jacket, briefcase, and everything around it.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney starts crying and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and throw water all over your office and that you’d be happy about it!”
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A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records.
At one point the auditor exclaimed, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”
“Thank goodness,” replied the taxpayer. “I thought you were going to want cash.”
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It sure was a lot easier to get older than it was to get wiser.
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Well, that all for today everyone. I hope you all have nice weekend time!
Muffin. 😽
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
Peter Adamson was not impressed with how he was treated at our place, so he called in one of his trusted men. “Vern, these people need to understand that I mean business,” said Adamson, “no one treats me like they did and gets away with it. And they must realize they cannot steal my property. I do not care what you do, or how you do it, just get it done. A nice bonus is yours if this is done tomorrow.”
“You can count on it being done,” said Vern, and out he went to get his men together. Adamson leaned back in his chair, smiling and saying to himself, “Now young lady, you will regret not returning my property to me. Cynthia belongs to me, for life.” Meanwhile, back to us. “What did the papers say?” I asked Kat. “I didn’t read all of them,” said Kat, “but they claimed Cynthia was his property, as a sex slave, for the duration of her life.”
Just then Cynthia came into the library and came over to me. “Steve, you should return me to Peter Adamson,” she said, “before anyone gets hurt because of me.” “Well, I am not the leader at the moment and can’t do anything one way or the other,” I told her, “you would have to talk with Kat and Jennifer.” “But you are the one who gave me this amazing chance to be part of your team,” she said, “so it just makes more sense to talk with you.”
“Come and sit with me,” I said to her. She came over and was about to sit next to me as Jennifer moved away. “No, not beside me,” I said, “sit on my lap.” She did so without hesitation. “Are you afraid of me?” I asked. “No, of course not, why would I be afraid?” she asked in return. “Does sitting on my lap make you afraid?” I asked again. “No, not at all, I know you won’t hurt me or do anything wrong with me,” she said, “even if we were alone you wouldn’t do anything wrong with me.”
“Are you afraid of Adamson?” I asked. “Yes, very much afraid,” she said, hanging her head. “Would you be afraid if he asked you to sit on his lap?” I asked again. “I would be terrified Steve,” she said, “he loves to do… things.” “Do you like it here Cynthia?” I asked. She looked at me and smiled. “Yes, I love it here and I love everyone here,” she said, “I love you so much!” She then gave me a hug.
“You will not be going back to Adamson, not now, not ever,” I said, “no matter what happens, no matter what he does, you are now part of our family and you will be staying here. Understand?” “Yes Steve, thank you big brother!” she said. “Well, I’m certainly not very big,” I said. “You are to me,” she replied smiling. Then off she went.
The next day began with the sun shining brightly, everything was going smoothly, we had all finished breakfast, except for Vlora and her girls that were on guard outside. Sky, along with Mandy, Madison and Eina went outside to let them know it was their turn for breakfast. Then they were planning on walking through the front garden. Some of the cats were with them, along with Aasta, Honey, Engla and Hope as guards.
Vlora called her girls to come for breakfast, and they came running. But before Sky and her group had walked down the steps, they began falling, as did 2 of Vlora’s team. She quickly pressed the Red Alert and more girls went outside, but they used the back and side doors. Dawn was quickly at our machine gun which we had installed some time ago.
Someone across the road was shooting at us, but how could they see? The trees on our side were now tall enough to block the front of the chateau. “Check the tops of those tall pines,” I told Dawn. Meanwhile, Kat, Jennifer and Angel had gone outside to protect those that had been shot, if they were still alive. They had to still be alive, that was my family out there. Amber, Kera, Cinnamon and Tracy were around me, preventing me from going outside.
Matt and his Knight Riders were on the way, but it would still take a while to get here. “I spotted him!” said Dawn. She aimed and shot the sniper out of the tree. “Check for more,” I said, “there will be more.” She did so and sure enough she found 3 others and got them all. Climbing those tall pines was smart, from there they could see everything over here clearly. “Annelie, may I suggest contacting Matt and telling them to stop and check the other side of the road, in case there are more men waiting for another chance,” I said.
“I will do that Steve,” she said. We could not wait for the ambulances to arrive, however, we do keep a helicopter here all the time now, so the three worst injured were taken by chopper to the clinic. The rest were driven in our vans. Kat went along to try and keep Sky alive, she had the worst wound. But, Sky was dead by the time they arrived at the clinic. That bullet hit Sky’s heart and Kat could not do much with the bullet still there.
But she convinced Dr. Jorgenson to remove the bullet and she went to work on Sky’s heart immediately. When Jennifer and Angel returned I was in my bedroom getting a massage from Beryan. I needed something to calm me down, without using a drug from Samantha. Jennifer laid on the bed beside me and told everyone to leave. I knew what that meant. “Did she die?” I asked. “Yes Steve,” said Jennifer, “but Kat is trying her best to bring her back. She can do wonders.”
“Honestly, is there a chance?” I asked. “Honestly, I don’t know,” she replied, “one of the snipers had a business card in his wallet, from Peter Adamson. And don’t get any ideas Steve, you are on recovery and you will stay there, for your safety and the safety of others on the team. This is one time you need to let us take care of things. After all, that is why you trained us all so well.”
“May I suggest getting in touch with Mandar?” I asked, “Let him know what has happened, get two more teams to guard the clinic, Team S2 for Matt and Team S3, if it is ready, for the Wildcats. You will have to contact Richard.” She did so right away. “Hi Jennifer, what is new?” he asked. Jennifer told him what just happened. “Mandar is in a business meeting,” he said, “but I will let him know right away, hang on.” “Yes Richard, what is it?” asked Mandar.
Richard filled him in quickly and Mandar closed his business meeting. “Jennifer, my dear, what is this all about?” asked Mandar. Jennifer filled him in on everything. “Richard,” he said, “I want to find out everything there is to know about this Peter Adamson. Send Teams 4 and 7 to the clinic, Teams S2, S3, and Team A to the chateau. Now, dear Jennifer, you must stay close to Steve at all times, do not let him out of your sight, not for a minute…”
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.