For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi to everyone out there and Happy Friday to all of you too!😺 My human get up real super early today so he can go do laundry. He make coffee to take with him. Okay so far. Then he go to bathroom, walk into wall and groan. Then he kick my litter box and groan. He come out and kick wheel of laundry cart and groan. He bend down to feel toe and hit head on handle of laundry cart and groan again. He go to kitchen and get coffee to take with him. He put shoes on feet and open door to leave. He forget coffee so come back, hit shoulder on door and groan. He stand there thinking, then shake head and open door to leave. He forget coffee again so come back. He get coffee, open door and leave. He hit shoulder on door frame and groan. He keep on going this time. So nice of him to do all that groaning, which I call human purring, just for me!😻😹 Here is funnies for today…
======
CATS & TEENAGERS
For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.
3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.
5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.
6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.
7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers live as if they did.
8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy — a sense of complete and utter boredom.
9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone’s furniture.
10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.
Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
======
After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery.
But, this morning, I accidentally drove by the bakery and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies.
I felt this was no accident, so I thought, if there is a place to park right in front of the bakery, then that will mean I should stop and pick up some goodies.”
And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was!
======
Husband: It says in this article that high fructose corn syrup made me fat.
Wife: That’s ridiculous!
Husband: Okay, Miss know it all, If high fructose corn syrup didn’t make me fat, what did?
Wife: Going back for thirds.
======
Press any key…no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
======
That is all for today everyone, have very nice weekend time!
Muffin. 😽
©2024 Steve McLeod.
Sky was back with me again. While she was gone, I figured out how she was able to get in and out of here without walking through walls or doors. “I figured out how you do it,” I said. “How I do what?” she asked. “Get in and out without walking through walls,” I told her. “Is that all you have been thinking about?” she asked, “You should be thinking about something important, like, how to get out of here.” “I have been doing that too,” I said, “you go out through that vent in the ceiling, whatever it is used for.
After seeing you jump, then seeing that hole in the ceiling, it wasn’t hard to figure things out,” I said smiling. She giggled. “Yes, you are absolutely right,” she said, “it seems to be some kind of air vent, likely not used anymore as it ends in a closet. The closet door doesn’t lock, not that it matters, but it does make it easier and faster to get in and out. The closet is right above us and just has a loose cover over it.” “By the way, how come you can open this door, but not the door into the restaurant?” I asked her.
“No idea actually, but for some reason it doesn’t work,” she said sighing, “otherwise I would take you out of here. Although, it might actually be safer for you down here.” “Not very comfortable though,” I said, “and the bathroom doesn’t have a shower.” She giggled again. “Why can’t I go out through that hole in the ceiling like you?” I asked. “How will you get up there?” she asked in return. “Well, I, could stand on your shoulders,” I said smiling.
“That would get you to the ceiling, but what would you hold onto once you are up there?” she asked again. “Details, always details,” I said sighing, “by the way, I wonder why it is so far up to the closet? Can you tell if there is anything in between?” “Nothing that I could see,” she said, “but all I can see is the inside of that vent. It is about 10 feet up to the closet, plus about 4 feet going off to the side at about the 5 foot level.”
Meanwhile, earlier Sky had warned Jennifer that Nicole would be bringing some new listening devices to the rooms later, so the girls were waiting for her. Nicole knocked on the door of Jennifer’s room and Dawn answered. “I was told to bring clean towels to all the rooms,” said Nicole, a bit nervously. But as she came inside the room Katresa said she would take the towels. “Oh, um, but I am supposed to do that,” she said, even more nervous now.
“You seem nervous,” said Suzette, “would you like to sit down?” “Uh, no, I must continue delivering the towels,” she said, as she put the listening device in among some flowers on the dresser. She then headed for the door. “Wait Nicole,” said Dawn, “you seem to have forgotten something.” Nicole turned and Dawn was holding the listening device in her hand. “Don’t worry,” said Dawn, “it doesn’t work in here, so no one can hear you. Who told you to plant this device in here?”
“It was…my boss,” she said with a very worried look, “if he finds out I failed…” She put her head down and started to cry. “Granger, he will hurt my family if I don’t do what he says,” said Nicole, “I am afraid, I am not like you, I am just an ordinary woman.” “So are we,” said Dawn, “but we have been trained, that is the only difference. We want to help you, if you will let us.” “I would like to go back to my family,” she said, “but that would be too dangerous for them, so I stay here and do whatever they tell me.
Some things are normal. Some things they require me to do are…terrible. But if I don’t do it, they will hurt my family, maybe even kill them.” “Galyna”, said Jennifer, “check up on Nicole Rousseau’s family for me, and let me know what you find.” “Sure thing Jennifer,” she said, “glad you asked me something I can actually do. Not having Annelie around is hard.” Jennifer told Nicole to put the other listening devices in the rooms and not to worry. She then called everyone and told them to let Nicole leave the devices behind.
Meanwhile, back in the dungeon. “I am going to visit Granger for a few minutes,” said Sky, “if anyone comes in here, just say my name and I will be back quickly.” “Do I have to yell?” I asked. “No, just say my name in your normal voice,” she said, “I will hear you and come right away, don’t worry.” Off she went and suddenly appeared in Granger’s office. “How did you get in here?” he yelled. “I live here, this castle is my home,” she said calmly, “and you are intruding, so you must leave.”
Granger and Conrad laughed. “Shoot her Conrad,” said Granger as he turned back to his desk. Conrad pulled out his gun and tried shooting, but nothing happened. “My gun isn’t working,” said Conrad. “Naturally,” said Sky, “I don’t want it to work. I am a ghost, you can’t kill a ghost because I am already dead.” “Listen to her,” said Conrad, not believing what he just heard, “she sounds like she actually believes what she is saying.”
“I do believe it,” said Sky, “I am the one that killed your 3 friends before, and I will keep killing you until you leave my home.” Then Conrad dropped his gun, yelling about it being too hot. “Men are so stubborn,” she said. Just then two more men came into the office, not knowing Sky was there and since they turned to talk with Granger right away, they didn’t notice her behind them. “Hi guys,” she said. They turned, and jumped when they only saw her head in front of them.
They then backed up until they were beside Granger and Conrad. “Hey, it’s just her head now boss,” said Conrad. “I can see that,” said Granger, “nice trick lady, but not convincing enough.” Her body returned. “Then tell me how it was done, if you are so smart,” said Sky. “She isn’t even there,” said one man, “it’s some kind of projected image, that’s all.” “Then come and touch my hand,” said Sky, as she held out her hand to him. He walked over and touched her.
“She is real,” he said. He then screamed and fell to the floor, dead. “Oh, it was me that stopped your cameras from working,” she said, “now, I will tell you again, get out of my castle.” She then disappeared and came back to me again. “You were gone a long time,” I said, “I was getting worried.” “Sorry Steve,” she said, “I will not stay away so long next time. Granger is not going to be easy to scare.
We need to find another way to get his attention. He has many businesses around the US and is starting to add more to his little empire here in Europe. Maybe we could slow his expansion plans and make him lose money in the process.” “Hmm, that is a good thought,” I said. So, I contacted Jennifer and told her about Sky’s idea. She thought that would be a good job for the Knight Riders and I agreed…
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.