For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
PLEASE NOTE: Muffin’s Fun posts are for humor only. They should not be taken seriously. Thanks!
Hey, hey everyone! Muffin here, back with more fabulous fun funnies for Friday! Wow, we awake real early today. Clock say it was 3:30am! Then I remember, it laundry day, so my human need to be up early to wash clothes. He like to do his laundry early before it get too busy. He first in line today, last week he second and lady ahead of him was using all washers and driers, so he have to wait a bit. Today, second in line not get there until 5am. She nice lady with little teeny tiny dog, only big as me. Not know they make dogs so small. My human say some dogs even teeny tinier. Wow, that tiny! Should just get cat, we cuter anyway! Hehehe! Here are funnies for today…
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The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes the teacher
asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes
north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude . . .?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you would be eating
alone.”
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Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who knew??
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A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
“I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water, “Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.”
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An accountant got out of bed one morning and complained that he had not slept a wink.
“Why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked.
“I did, and that’s what got me into trouble,” the accountant replied. “I made a mistake the first hour, and it took until morning to correct it.”
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I used to spin toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
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I told my wife how thankful I was to have someone I enjoyed being quarantined with. She said, “Must be nice.”
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A man finished baby-proofing his house and his wife says, “Aw, honey, I thought you said you didn’t want to have kids?”
He responds, “I don’t. Let’s see them get in now.”
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Well, that all for today, but I come back on Monday with more fun funnies for you! Have nicest weekend to all of you!
Muffin.
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
Well, this is our fourth meeting with Carmen to get our girls back from her. Jennifer told me she senses more danger than before, so we need to be very careful. I do not like this, however, we need to continue and get this deal done before Carmen changes her mind. She used to like doing that when we were kids. There is that phrase again, and I just remembered what it was all about.
She was dangerous as a kid, but in different ways. She loved to get other kids in trouble, and she was amazingly good at it too. As we got out of the car a man came out of the store and walked out onto the street, motioning to us that we should go inside. He carried an assault rifle. Hmm, something new for our meeting today. Is he planning to try stop us when we come out of the store?
He will get a surprise if he does. In we went and Sky put the suitcase on the floor in front of us as usual. “Hello again dear Steve,” said Carmen. She always talked with such a pleasant voice, hard to believe she is such a ruthless person. But she is. “I trust you saw the money in your account?” I asked. “Oh yes, dear Steve,” she said, “all is well, and thank you for being prompt with the payments.
That is one thing I always remembered about you, being punctual. It still surprises me that you have access to such a large amount of money.” “Well, some team members had investments they could cash in,” I said, “one other had a small business that he sold to a friend, which brought in half what we needed. We like to help each other at times like this.” “Aww, how touching,” she said, “very stupid, but touching anyway.”
“Well, to some people friendship means more than money,” I told her. “Oh my, more touching words,” she said, “you and I used to be very good friends, I never got you in trouble like the others. Well, okay, just once I did, but you were mean to me that day so I was angry. By the way, did your girl with the odd name tell you how she had such great fun in my studio the other day?
She was smiling and happy the whole time. That little boy was so happy too.” I came so close to killing her right then but fortunately Sky sensed that and squeezed my hand harder that time to let me know I had to control myself. She was right, but it was not easy. Meanwhile, outside, “Hello handsome,” said a woman who was standing on the other side of the street. She then began walking toward the man.
“Stay away,” said the man, pointing his gun at her. “Oh, now that is not nice,” she said, “all I want is a little kiss from you, I don’t have any guns.” The man smiled and told her to come. She got close to him and suddenly he could not move. She then poked a needle into his arm several times, the last time squeezing the contents of the needle into his arm.
Then he was okay again, but only the woman’s head was floating there. He screamed, then aimed his rifle at her but it would not work, then it got so hot he screamed again and dropped it. She then laughed at him. “I am a ghost,” she said, “you can’t kill a ghost.” She then laughed again and the man yelled and fell down backwards. “Link, go see why Lloyd is yelling so much,” said Carmen.
By then he was at the door, still yelling. Link came out. “Shoot her Link, shoot her!” he yelled. Link looked around. “Shoot who?” he asked. “That woman, right there, only about 4 feet away!” he yelled, “Give me your gun!” He took it from Link and tried shooting, but the gun did not work. The woman came closer and Lloyd tried punching her but nothing happened. Link slapped him and brought him inside.
“He has gone crazy,” said Link, “says there is a woman there, but there is no one in sight.” Lloyd kept yelling and pointing saying the woman was standing in the doorway. “Slap him Burk!” exclaimed Carmen. He did so and he stopped yelling. “Looks like he is on drugs,” said Sky. Burk ripped his shirt sleeve. “Look Carmen, he is using,” said Burk. “Give him to Boxer,” she said, “and tell him to be slow.” Before he took Lloyd out, Burk brought Cinnamon and Sapphire out to us, then he left.
“Until tomorrow dear Steve,” said Carmen sighing. We left in a hurry, driving quickly away. “Good job Kat,” I said. “Oh my, he was too easy,” she said chuckling. That evening I got a call from the hotel front desk. “There is a man here to see you sir,” he said, “he would like to meet you down here, he gave his name as Mr. B and said you would understand.”
“Thank you,” I said, “tell the gentleman I will be right down.” “Mr. B would like to talk,” I said, “this might be what we need.” “Or it could be trouble,” said Kat. “I do not sense trouble,” said Jennifer. “Good, then let’s go,” I said, “Jewel, Rascal, you come along too.”
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.