For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi everyone and welcome back to your weekly dose of chuckles and giggles, with a few groans tossed in for good measure! I have a fairly long chuckle for you today, so I won’t say much, we’ll just get into the fun funnies, this one is especially for pet owners, mainly dogs and cats.
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To: Master of the House
From: Dog
Subject: Cat
Master: The cat is despicable. She doesn’t do any tricks and never comes when you call and I’ve been there and I know she can hear you. We need to face facts: It’s time to get rid of the cat.
Before the cat’s arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me food under the table.
Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the table – actually physically walk on the table! You don’t yell at the cat, you just pick her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you don’t see it, but she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.
And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty pellets of meat byproducts you bring home in the giant bags, right? Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab – and she never consumes all of it!
This means there are little containers of delectable snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the pets, isn’t that what’s important?
Then there’s play time. I think we can clearly see that I am a big dog, descended from a noble line of hunters accustomed to chasing prey and attacking it. Haven’t I nearly managed to take down a few cars as they’ve driven past the house? The cat is about the size of a squirrel and in my view should behave like one, but when I attempt to chase her, she hunches up and spits at me! This can’t be sanitary.
Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a toilet?
And why doesn’t she ever get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking her paws – you’d never catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often smell wonderful from rolling in road kill, yet you give me baths all the time!
So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought the family to complete ruin.
I’m sorry I have to be the one to bring it to your attention, but now that I have, I think we can all agree that we should go back to the way it was, when I was the number 1 pet.
Yours truly,
The Dog
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Leaving a plush nightclub one evening, a miserly gentleman walked past the
doorman without tipping him.
Nevertheless, the doorman helped the man into a taxi with a flourish and
said pleasantly, “By the way, in case you happen to lose your wallet on the
way home, sir, just remember that you didn’t pull it out here.”
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I went to Magician’s School but flunked the final exam. They were all trick
questions.
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That’s all for today everyone, I hope you have a great week and God bless!
Steve.😃 ©2026 Steve McLeod
While the rest of the team at home was trying to figure out where we were and how to get us out, we were trying to figure out how to stay alive without water. “Sky, go for a walk, but not too far,” I said, “I want to see if you will come when I call.” So, she went out and I watched until she went behind a rock. Misty came and stood beside me. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Just watch,” I said, and I said Sky’s name. “She won’t hear you way over there,” said Misty. Suddenly there was a hand on Misty’s shoulder. “AAAAAAA!!!” yelled Misty. “YAAAAAAA!!!!” yelled Sky as Misty flipped her over her shoulder.
“Must you always flip people like that?” asked Sky. “Must you always scare me like that?” replied Misty. “It worked,” I said. Misty stared at me. “You already know it works,” said Misty, “you scared me for nothing.” “Sorry,” I said, “however, I can call Sky, yet we can’t communicate with any of the other ghosts. Why?” “They too far away to hear you,” said Steffie. We all looked at her. Then Jennifer walked over to that rock and we were able to communicate perfectly. “Okay, back in the cave everyone,” I said, “it’s too hot out here still.” It stayed hot until the sun went down, then the temperature did too, until we were shivering. Fortunately they had provided us with blankets.
“How did they get this stuff in here anyway?” asked Misty. “I was wondering about that too,” I said, “if they dropped it in by parachute, where are the parachutes? How did they get the crates into the cave? How did they get people out if they used people to do the work?” “That means they must have driven in with these crates,” said Milena, “they could have driven two hundred miles or more.” “Yes, and if we go the wrong direction, it could be farther to get out of this desert,” said Valeria, “it’s best to sit and wait for help.” “Yes, the only walking will be to look for water,” I said.
Jennifer and I decided to go for a walk since it was now cool enough to do so. “They could have used a helicopter to bring the supplies in,” said Jennifer. “Yes, I thought about that,” I said, “that would make sense. And, I guess Steffie’s idea that we are too far away to communicate makes sense too.” “Except for one thing,” said Jennifer, “you were still able to call Sky.” “True, but as she pointed out, it’s different than our communication ability which is something that Kat developed for us,” I reminded her, “it’s not exactly a ghost ability since I can do it too, although only because of having Sky’s blood in me. That’s why it doesn’t work with others.”
“Yes, that’s true,” she sighed, “why are we climbing this high hill?” “To check and see what might be around,” I said, “if there is habitation somewhat close by, their lights may show up at night.” We got to the top and looked in all directions. Nothing. So, we came back down. Angel and Kitty were out looking for water again. We have 5 backpacks that the ghosts brought and there is enough water in each for one person, for two days. We have double the people, so that means one day’s worth of water. However, we will try to stretch it more than that, hopefully 3 days and that won’t give us much water each day.
We met Angel and Kitty just as they returned from their unsuccessful trip. “You shouldn’t be out exerting yourself Steve,” said Angel, “don’t move around any more than necessary, even at night.” She was right, but I can’t just sit around when my team is slowly dying of thirst. Unfortunately, much of the food they left us, such as canned meat, is very salty. Whoever is doing this is very cruel indeed. It certainly isn’t that Mr. Copeland. The real top person wouldn’t have been so stupid to put themselves in danger like he did when he came to the chateau alone.
There was certainly no guarantee that he would be allowed to leave. Jennifer and I stayed outside watching the moon for a while and talking, then Frisky came out to join us, but she just sat beside Jennifer without saying a word. “I’m surprised Steffie didn’t come out with you,” said Jennifer. “She’s sleeping,” said Friskie, “she wanted to stay awake with everyone else, but she was just too tired.” There was silence for a while as we all watched the moon. There were no sounds aside from the girls talking. Most of them were outside, but further away from us on the other side of the cave.
“I think you want to talk about something,” said Jennifer to Friskie, “am I right?” “Yes,” she said, “I want to ask a big favor of you both, but especially you Jennifer. If anything should happen to me, would you please adopt my Steffie so she can have a real mom still? She has her daddy, but she needs her mom too.” “Of course I would do that Friskie,” said Jennifer, “I would consider it a wonderful privilege to be her mother. But Friskie, nothing can happen to you, you’re a ghost. And Steve will always be her daddy and she can call him that from now on, no one will say anything against that.”
“Thank you Jennifer,” she said as the two of them hugged and tears flowed. “What’s this?” asked Jennifer, “Daddy is crying too?” We sat and looked at the moon a while longer, then Sky came out and joined us. “All set Sky,” she said, and the two of them walked up the hill behind us. “I have a bad feeling about this,” I said, “something is up with those two.” “I agree,” said Jennifer, “they are going to do something and they are not telling us.” We got up and stood back so we could watch them, to see what they were up to. Oddly, at the top of the hill Friskie began to jump, higher and higher each time.
Finally she gave one huge jump and when she got to a certain height we were horrified to see Sky shoot a huge bolt of electricity at Friskie sending her far out of our sight. Meanwhile, on a jet carrying Kat and her Wildcats. “Rock, do we have enough fuel to turn this jet around and head back?” asked Kat. “If we land in Florida,” he said, “then we can do it.” “Then get this thing turned around immediately,” said Kat. Rock did just that, making a big U-turn in the sky and soon they were heading to Florida. “Would it be too much to ask why we’re doing this?” asked Rock.
“In order to save Steve and the others from dying of thirst in a desert,” she said, “while we refuel we will also pick up lots of water.” Kat then called Sienna to see if she can arrange to have the water ready for quick loading. Sienna said that would be no problem at all. But it’s still going to be a long trip and it could take a couple of days to get the water to us. Unknown to everyone, Mr. Copeland’s men, headed by Ted, were unable to get water to us like he told them to do.
It seems that Mr. Flynn found out and now Ted and the 2 men with him are dead. Back to us as we watched Friskie falling back to earth at amazing speed, head first! “She’s going too fast to turn around and land on her feet!” exclaimed Jennifer. She then ran up the hill and jumped, landing feet first on Sky’s hands. Sky then gave her a boost upward, but more gently than with Friskie, and Jennifer caught Friskie bringing her safely down to the ground again.
The other girls had noticed the flash of lightning before and were watching until Friskie came down. They cheered and clapped when they saw she was safe. “What were you up to?” I asked, as I hugged her tight. “I thought if Steffie was right about us being too far to communicate,” she began, “then maybe all we needed was some height to help with that problem. But I needed Sky’s energy to give me enough boost to get that high, and it worked! I communicated with Kat and she responded, saying she had my position and would be here quickly as they could with water. But that might still be a couple of days…”
To Be Continued. ©2026 Steve McLeod.