Hello everyone on this fine evening, or morning depending on where you live in this world of ours. Anyway, just thought I would share a few chuckles with you folks this evening from my collection of humor. Maybe you will get a smile, chuckle, laugh or groan from some of these. Whatever the case, they are all nice fun anyway. So, sit back and enjoy! Hopefully.
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the Senior Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
“Sounds good,” my wife said. “But I don’t want the eggs.”
“Then I’ll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you’re ordering a la carte,” the waitress warned her.
“You mean I’d have to pay more for NOT taking the eggs?” my wife asked incredulously.
“Yep” stated the waitress.
“I’ll take the special,” my wife replied.
“How do you want your eggs?”
“Raw and in the shell,” my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”
Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.”
“Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog Spike. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!” “I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”
A muscular young man at the construction site bragged that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. After several minutes, an older (and wiser) worker had had enough.
“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” said the older fellow. “I bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, old man,” the young guy replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, “All right. Get in.”
Well, there you have it for today everyone, I hope you enjoyed one or two of these little chuckles. I also hope that all of you enjoy the remainder of your weekend and God bless!
Steve and Muffin.
© 2019 Steve McLeod.