Hi everyone! Here we are with some more humor from my collection of humor that I have collected over the years. I have no idea where some of these things come from, but it’s all good clean fun to hopefully give us a smile, a chuckle or even a good roaring laugh! Laughter is good, it makes us feel good, and it just brightens our day a little. So, here they are:
As the manager of our hospital’s softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.
When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.
I heard one man say to his wife, “Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist.”
A couple is watching the news. They hear that a beautiful actress is marrying an athlete who’s famous for his lack of IQ and common sense.
Husband: “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives!”
Wife: “Why thank you, dear!”
TEACHER: Why didn’t you study?
STUDENT: A year has 365 days for you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that are way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we’re left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day – 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days. Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days; you’re left with 3 days in the year to study! Let’s say you only go out for 2 days…you’re left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday. That’s why I did not study.
Teacher: Class dismissed.
Some people are like clouds, once they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You’re having a bad day when you see a sign in your dentist’s office that says, “No pain, no gain.”
I ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s today. His mom got really angry.
Three mothers are sitting on a park bench talking about (what else?) how much their sons love them.
Sadie says, “You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is and how much he loves his mother.”
Minnie says,”You call that love? You know the Eldorado Cadillac I got for Mother’s Day? That’s from my son Bernie. What a doll.”
Shirley says, “That’s nothing. You know my son Stanley? He sees a psychoanalyst on Park Ave. Five sessions a week. And what does he talk about? Me!”
Thanks for reading today! I hope you all have a wonderful day and God bless!
Steve and Muffin.