Muffin’s Meowings! #8

Good morning everyone! Muffin sends meows to all of you, she was tired so asked me to do her post today. She told me what jokes she wanted to use though, so here they are!

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A young man is being trained as a steamship helmsman. In his first time at the wheel, the mate gives him a heading and then orders, “Come starboard.”

Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor.

The mate suggests gently, “Could you bring the ship with you?”

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Maybe eating tacos wasn’t cheating on my diet. Maybe going on a diet was cheating on my tacos.

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The little turtle climbs the tree very slowly, very painfully. Then she crawls along a branch, to the very end, and when she finally gets to the edge, she jumps. And she falls. But she doesn’t get discouraged.

So she walks to the tree, she climbs the tree, she crawls along the branch, she gets to the edge, and she jumps. And falls to the ground.

Again, with a stubborn look in her face, the little turtle walks slowly to the tree, she climbs the tree, she crawls along the branch, she gets to the edge, and she jumps. And falls.

In a nearby tree a couple of pigeons are looking at the little turtle. Walk, climb, crawl, jump. Fall. And all over again.

After a while one of the pigeons asks the other, “Hey honey, don’t you think its time we tell her that she’s adopted?”

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The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat; it’s watching what other people eat.

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While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the  entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, her husband yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.”

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Well, there we have it for today. Muffin did work hard on finding these funnies for today, just so you do not think she has just been relaxing. She hopes you all have a bemeowtiful day!

Muffin (and Steve).

©2023 Steve McLeod.