Muffin’s Funnies! #32

Hi to everyone out there! It me, Muffin!😻 I back again with more fun funnies for my friends! It been a long time since I last here and posted one of my funnies posts. But, I here now and ready to go again. So, let’s get started!

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I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self help section?”

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

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The guy who invented the hay-baling machine really made a bundle.

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It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home only with her 3-year-old daughter, Katelyn. Heidi started to go into labor and called 911. Due to a power outage in the city at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call.

The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. 

Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Katelyn quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again.”

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Birthdays are the best kind of labor day!

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When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the basement. Then I realized how convenient it was to get him to the breakfast table. Before, I used to stand at the bottom of the staircase and scream his name. Now all I had to do was flick the basement light off and on, and he was here.

One morning I flicked the switch, and nothing happened. I did it several more times.

“I’m on my way,” my son called up. “You didn’t have to yell.”

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The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

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Teacher: Give me a sentence that includes the words: defense, defeat, detail.
Student: When a horse jumps over defense, defeat go first and then detail.

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Those who get too big for their britches are sure to be exposed in the end.

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An aging grandma was telling me that she had decided she was not too old to get fitter and improve her health. She told me she had joined an exercise class.

I asked her, “How did you get on?”

She said, “Well, after half an hour of pulling, stretching, sweating, groaning and with all my muscles beginning to ache, I had finally got my leotard on but by then the class was all over.”

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Survival tip: If you’re lost in the woods, start talking about politics. Someone will show up to argue with you.

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Well, guess that is all for today everyone, I hope you all have a very nicest type of day!

Muffin. 😽 ©2025 Muffin McLeod.