Muffin’s Funnies! #41

Hi, hi everyone! 😻 It me again, Muffin! My human go shopping this morning again and he say nothing funny happen. This getting bad. He need to learn better and do some funny things so I can tell everyone. He not trying hard enough. Maybe I need to have discussion with my human. He seem to learn faster when we have discussions.😹 Oh well, here are funnies for you today…

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MIND GAMES DOGS PLAY WITH THEIR HUMANS
Part 1

1. After your humans give you a bath, DON’T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it’s right before your human’s bedtime.

2. Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)

3. Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then when the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they’re talking about.

4. Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go ‘pee’, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

5. Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go ‘poo’. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

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I’m the kind of person who gets more cleaning done in the 30 min before someone comes over than I do in a week.

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A woman answered the phone; it was a salesman calling from a mortgage company.

He: “Do you have a second mortgage on your home?”   

She: “No.”

He: “Would you like to consolidate all your debts?”   

She: “I really don’t have any debts.”

He: “How about freeing up cash for home improvements?”

She: “I don’t need any.  I just recently had some done and paid cash.”

…brief silence…

He: “Are you looking for a husband?”

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An Illinois man is suing Smart Water for not making him smart. I think I will formally declare my lawsuit against Thin Mints.

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An old man, whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison, didn’t have anyone to dig his garden to plant his potatoes. So he wrote to his son about his predicament.

The son sent the reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig the garden up, that’s where I buried the guns!!!”

At 3 am the next morning, a dozen police officers turned up and dug the garden for 3 hours, but didn’t find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what had happened, asking him what he should do now.

The son sent the reply: “NOW plant the potatoes!”

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This morning in my office a book fell on my head. I have only my shelf to blame.

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That all for today everyone! I hope you all have very nice week!

Muffin. 😽 ©2025 Muffin McLeod.