Muffin’s Funnies! #44

Hi, hi to everyone today and a big Meow also!😻 My human go shopping this morning. I ask him what happen. He say nothing much. oooo, must be something good happen. I ask again. He say he go to checkout person and she say closed now, so he have to go to different one with big lineup, but nothing much happen. I ask again, but he say need to wait while he make list. Maybe he write post of adventures shopping. oooo, must be some good stuff. I ask when he write post. He say he not know. I swish tail.😾 His eyes get big. TOMMORROW! He say, I write it tomorrow! That better. 😹 You hear it here first for first time. Now for some fun funnies for today!

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A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, “The parrot to the left costs $500.”

“Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered.

The owner replied, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

“That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to build websites.”

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

“That one costs $2,000.”

“And what does that one do?” the man asked.

The owner replied, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss.”

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Those who get too big for their britches, are sure to be exposed in the end.

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A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns. I soon realized that toucan play that game.

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RULES FOR EDITING PART 1

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

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I went to Magician’s School but flunked the final exam. They were all trick questions.

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There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years, dirt doesn’t get any worse.

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Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you. But you know who’s always there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.

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A man has to attend a large convention in Chicago. On this particular trip he decides to bring his wife. When they arrive at their hotel and are shown to their room, the man says, “You rest here while I register. I’ll be back within an hour.”

His wife lies down on the bed. Just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager. The manager says he’ll be right up. The manager (naturally) is skeptical, but the wife insists the story is true.

“Look, lie here on the bed. You’ll be thrown right to the floor!” the woman says.

So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in.

“What are you doing here?” the husband asks.

The manager replies, “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”

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Well, that all for today everyone. I hope you all have great week!

Muffin. 😽 ©2025 Muffin McLeod.