Muffin’s Funnies! #45

Hi, hi everyone! 😻 I back with more fun funnies for you on today’s Monday day, the best day of whole week! Why it best day you ask? Me glad you ask question. It best day because it the day my fun funnies are published. And all of you come and read my fun funnies. So, that make it the best day of whole week! For me at least.😹 So, we get started with fun funnies for today!

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Patient to psychologist: “Doctor, I am afraid my fear of moving stairs is escalating.”

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There’s something wrong with my cactus plant. I just can’t put my finger on it.

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I made a chicken salad last night. Apparently, they prefer grain.

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A farmer in Rhode Island just grew the largest pumpkin in North America,
weighing over 2,200 pounds.

The only downside, the man’s wife no longer thinks it’s cute when he calls
her “pumpkin.”

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If you are in it up to your ears, close your mouth.

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In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke.

When she was done, one of the old farmers stood up and said, “What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?”

Quick as a flash, the woman replied, “Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!”

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RULES FOR EDITING PART 2

16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
25. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And the last one…
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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Those who get too big for their britches, are sure to be exposed in the end.

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That all for today everyone, I hope you have great Monday and all week long!

Muffin. 😽 ©2025 Muffin McLeod.