Tuesday’s Laughter! #8

Hi everyone and welcome back to your weekly dose of chuckles and giggles, with a few groans tossed in for good measure! I have a fairly long chuckle for you today, so I won’t say much, we’ll just get into the fun funnies, this one is especially for pet owners, mainly dogs and cats.

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To: Master of the House
From: Dog
Subject: Cat

Master: The cat is despicable. She doesn’t do any tricks and never comes when you call and I’ve been there and I know she can hear you. We need to face facts: It’s time to get rid of the cat.

Before the cat’s arrival, meals were very festive times. I would sit and stare attentively at your lips, trembling slightly and drooling. You would play the game of pretending to be cross and demand that I leave the area, but whenever you cooked dinner your children would slip me food under the table.

Now, though, the cat is allowed to jump on the table – actually physically walk on the table! You don’t yell at the cat, you just pick her up and put her back on the floor, and I know you don’t see it, but she always gives me a haughty look as she walks past me.

And speaking of meals, I have always been satisfied to eat the gritty pellets of meat byproducts you bring home in the giant bags, right? Have I ever once, ever, failed to finish a meal? But now I find out that the cat is being served lobster and salmon and crab – and she never consumes all of it!

This means there are little containers of delectable snacks lying around and how can I be blamed for making sure they get eaten? Why do you get so mad? As long as the pet food is going to the pets, isn’t that what’s important?

Then there’s play time. I think we can clearly see that I am a big dog, descended from a noble line of hunters accustomed to chasing prey and attacking it. Haven’t I nearly managed to take down a few cars as they’ve driven past the house? The cat is about the size of a squirrel and in my view should behave like one, but when I attempt to chase her, she hunches up and spits at me! This can’t be sanitary.

Speaking of sanitation, do you realize that the cat goes to the bathroom in the house? And not in the drinking basins like you do, but in a sandbox in the basement. What are we going to say if some woman brings her baby over to play in the sandbox and the cat has been using it as a toilet?

And why doesn’t she ever get a bath? She smells like saliva from licking her paws – you’d never catch me licking such ridiculous places. I often smell wonderful from rolling in road kill, yet you give me baths all the time!

So, not to exaggerate, but the cat has brought the family to complete ruin.

I’m sorry I have to be the one to bring it to your attention, but now that I have, I think we can all agree that we should go back to the way it was, when I was the number 1 pet.

Yours truly,
The Dog

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Leaving a plush nightclub one evening, a miserly gentleman walked past the
doorman without tipping him.

Nevertheless, the doorman helped the man into a taxi with a flourish and
said pleasantly, “By the way, in case you happen to lose your wallet on the
way home, sir, just remember that you didn’t pull it out here.”

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I went to Magician’s School but flunked the final exam. They were all trick
questions.

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That’s all for today everyone, I hope you have a great week and God bless!

Steve.😃 ©2026 Steve McLeod