Tuesday’s Laughter! #13

Hi everyone! Another week has gone by and we are back with some more chuckles and giggles to enjoy. Or not. Perhaps they will make you groan instead. Or maybe you will just sit there and scratch your head. Perhaps some joke will turn on a light. You never know, it really just might. So, let’s get started and have some fun. With a chuckle or a laugh at a joke or a pun.

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If you swallow uranium, you will probably get atomic ache.

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The perks of being over 70:

> People no longer consider you a hypochondriac

> There is nothing left to learn the hard way

> Neighbors don’t complain about your parties

> Things you buy now won’t wear out

> Your investment in health insurance starts to pay off

> Elevators finally play good music

> You don’t have to hold in your stomach no matter who walks into the room

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A man fell into a pit and couldn’t get himself out…

~ A subjective person came along and said, “I feel for you down there.”

~ An objective person walked by and said, “It’s logical that someone would fall down there.”

~ A mathematician calculated how deep the pit was.

~ A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.

~ An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.

~ A self-pitying person said, “You haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen my pit.”

~ A psychologist noted, “Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit.”

~ A self-esteem therapist said, “Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit.”

~ An optimist said, “Things could be worse.”

~ A pessimist claimed, “Things will get worse.”

~ The man in the pit said, “Sure is a busy neighborhood.”

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FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in California that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud.

After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite.  The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.  The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.

Agent: Hello.  I’d like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.

Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?

Agent: We’re over at the psychiatric hospital.

Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s right.  I’m an FBI agent.

Pizza Man: You’re an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s correct.  Just about everybody here is.

Pizza Man: And you’re at the psychiatric hospital?

Agent: That’s correct.  And make sure you don’t go through the front doors.  We have them locked.  You’ll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas.

Pizza Man: And you say you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right.  How soon can you have them here?

Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?

Agent: That’s right.  We’ve been here all day and we’re starving.

Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?

Agent: I have my checkbook right here.

Pizza Man: And you’re all FBI agents?

Agent: That’s right.  Everyone here is an FBI agent.  Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear?  We have the front doors locked.

Pizza Man: Yeah. Suuuure.

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Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant. So I gave him a pizza my mind.

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That’s all for today everyone! I hope you all have a great week and God bless!

Steve. ©2026 Steve McLeod.