Weekly Fun! #3

Greetings everyone! How are you all doing on this fine day? It was another nice, sunny and warm day here. Our little town and surrounding area is still cleaning up after that major thunderstorm came through here on Monday afternoon. The total rainfall was 4 inches (10cm) over the two hour storm. Some locations, even right in town, received 5 or more inches (12.5cm plus). We did get some hail too, but nothing too serious that way, mostly small hail. Anyway, more on that tomorrow, maybe, if I remember, which I should, hopefully. Anyway, I think I just said that didn’t I? Oh well, on to the funnies for today…

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A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa and takes her faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and, before long, discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, “OK, I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he notices some bones on the ground nearby, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride and a look of terror comes over him. The leopard slinks away into the trees and says to himself, “Whew! That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection, so he takes off after the leopard. But the dachshund sees him heading after the cat and figures something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of, and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”

The dachshund sees the leopard coming toward him, with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, “Where’s that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

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Taking steps to overcome my hiking addiction. I’m not out of the woods yet.

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I’ve decided to buy my wife a used chess set for her birthday. I’ll be buying it at a pawn shop.

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My girlfriend said it was either her or my sugar addiction. The decision was a piece of cake.

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Wouldn’t it be nice if you read a medicine bottle that says: Warning – May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy.

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Heading into the store…

Wife: “All we need is milk and a loaf of bread. This will be quick.”

Me: “I don’t believe you.”

Wife: “Why?!”

Me: “Well, for starters you just grabbed a cart.”

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A guy had a skunk in his basement!  He called animal control and asked what to do. 

The officer said to make a trail of bread crumbs or cat food from the basement out into the yard.

The guy called back and said: “Now I have two skunks in my basement!”

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If there’s one person you don’t want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence, it’s a judge.

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A businesswoman ordered a beautiful, expensive floral arrangement for the opening of her new outlet, and she was furious when it arrived with a ribbon which read, “May You Rest In Peace.”

Apologizing for the mishap, the florist finally got the businesswoman to calm down with the reminder that in some funeral home stood an arrangement bearing the words, “Good Luck in Your New Location.”

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Sign on a desk in a reception room:  “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.”

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That’s all for this week everyone, have a great week and God bless!

Steve. ©2026 Steve McLeod