Weekly Fun. #4

Greetings everyone! 😃 I hope your week is going well, my week has been going as well. As well as what I’m not quite sure. 😂 Anyway, moving along, it is still hot today, but this is supposed to be the last of our hot weather for a while. It will probably take a day or two for my apartment to cool off though, one of the problems with living on the top floor I guess. Oh well, minor problem. Speaking of problems. I don’t really want to, but, yesterday as I moved a small table with plants on it, which is easy to do since it’s on wheels. Anyway, before I get more distracted, due to the heat I have been a bit dizzy, and while I moved that table I got dizzy and kind of fell against the table knocking it over, plants and all. I caught one plant. There was a bit of a mess. Okay, a big mess. Soooo, in closing, I cleaned up the mess and went to lie down. Once the heat disappears I will try to repot the plants properly and see if they survive. Now, on to the funnies…

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THINGS YOU WISH YOU’D HEAR

>From your auto mechanic:
“That part is much less expensive than I thought.”
“I’ve never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do.”
“You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street.”
“It was just a loose wire – no charge.”

>From a store clerk:
“The computerized cash register is down. I’ll just add up your purchases with a pencil and paper.”
“We’re sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We’ll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one, or give you a complete refund – whichever you prefer.”

>From a contractor:
“Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing.”
“I think I came in a little high on that estimate.”

>From a dentist:
“I think you’re flossing too much.”
“I won’t ask any questions until I take the pick out of your mouth.”

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I like to have some peace and quiet while I’m cooking, so I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

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A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband’s turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart’s desire. He paused for a moment, then said, “Well, honestly, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.” The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom! He was 90!!

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I haven’t lost my mind.  Half of it wandered off, and the other half is out looking for it.

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As they wait for the bus, Mother tells little Johnny to say he’s 4 years old if the driver asks, so he can ride for free.

As they get into the bus, the driver asks Johnny how old he is.

“I am 4 years old,” Johnny replied.

“And when will you be six years old?” asked the driver.

“When I get off the bus.”

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Aging is realizing your body keeps receipts for everything you did in your 20s.

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SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE

You can’t even pay attention.

You stop getting offers from those credit card companies trying to get you to transfer your other credit card balances to theirs.

The local loan shark sees you coming and turns to start running the other way.

You hock the spare tire from your car.

When your phone service is turned off, you actually start to miss those nasty messages your credit card companies leave on your answering machine.

You try to take out a bank loan and learn you’ll have to use your first-born male child for collateral.

American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!”

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In the 1980s I was riding my bike and fell off and hurt my knee. I’m telling you now because we didn’t have social media back then.

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Well, that’s all for this week everyone! I hope you all have a great week and God bless!

Steve. 🥵 ©2026 Steve McLeod.