Weekly Fun! #5

Hi everyone and welcome back to another fun time with fun funnies to keep you laughing throughout the weekend! 😂 Hopefully they will anyway. 😃 At least produce a laugh or two. 🙃 Maybe a chuckle or a giggle? 🙄 Anyway, as we move along, here are this week’s fun funnies for you to enjoy.

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I used to be addicted to never showering. Thankfully, I’ve been clean now for five years.

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When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a wind-up monkey that plays drums. He squealed with delight.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with that?”

Mom smiled and then replied, “Oh, I remember.”

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About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: “Do you play?”

I shook my head, “I used to, but I quit because I wasn’t very good. I shot consistently in the lower seventies.”

There was a long, low in-take of breath, then “The lower seventies?”

“Yes,” I admitted.

“Consistently?” he queried admiringly.

“Every hole,” I confessed.

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If you ever walk by my house and you hear yelling, it’s not really yelling. It’s motivational speaking for those who can’t listen.

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I’ve decided to buy my wife a used chess set for her birthday. I’ll be buying it at a pawn shop.

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Wouldn’t it be nice if you read a medicine bottle that says: Warning – May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy.

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SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE Part 2

You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

Cell phone companies don’t call you to switch.

You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.

You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

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Doctor, “Describe your average night.

Patient, “They wear suits of armor.”

Doctor, “No, I mean at bedtime.”

Patient, “They probably take it off.”

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It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

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Lady (to her doctor): “What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.”

Doctor: “How come?”

Lady: “According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches.”

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Last night, I accidently superglued my thumb and my pointing finger together. I’ll be okay for a while.

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My wife and I always laugh at how competitive we both are, but if the truth be known, I laugh a lot more than her.

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Well, there it is for today! Have a great weekend everyone and God bless!

Steve. 🤣 ©2026 Steve McLeod.