For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi, hi everyone!😻 It Monday again and that mean it fun time again! It also good day for napping because it cloudy and snowing. Days like that are good days for napping. Sunny days are good days for napping too. Actually, all days are good days for napping. My human not understand this. He thinks daytime is for being awake and doing things. Like vacuuming with noisy machine.🙀 Right when I want to nap. That not nice. I let him know that last time.😾 It only 3 days and he not limping so bad already.😹 Maybe next time he think before bringing out vacuum machine. Anyway, here is fun funnies for today!
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One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight’s dinner. I told him I didn’t know how to make soup. He quickly handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.
Soon after I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.
Instead the sergeant said, “This tastes really good… are you sure you followed the recipe?”
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If everyone were employed, would unemployment officers be?
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On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.
“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, “but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time.”
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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
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I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
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~ Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
~ To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food. Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
~ Diet Tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.
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I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s one called brightness, but it doesn’t seem to work.
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That last one must be old joke, me not see knobs on TV anywhere. I ask my human and he say TV used to have knobs. I ask what he do with them. He say TV not have knobs. I tell him he say that TV used to have knobs. He say TV did used to have knobs. I ask again what he did with knobs. He say nothing, TV not have knobs. My human not going to enjoy afternoon.😼😮
Have great day everyone! Remember to laugh, or groan!
Muffin. 😽
©2025 Muffin McLeod.
While Kat and I were lying on the bed talking something interesting happened. A holographic image showed up in the room with us. It was Karl, Kat’s father, adopted father really. “If you really are my daughter,” he said, “then come and join me once again. Between us we can be king and queen of all Europe. We will own the entire drug trade and will have more money than we could ever use.
We think alike and we would make an invincible team. No one could stop us, not ever! What do you say, are you with me again?” “No, I am not with you again,” said Kat, “I am ashamed of the fact that I was with you before. But now, my life has changed, and for the better, and I will never return to my old life again. I like my new life and this is where I will stay. And along with the rest of our team, I will fight you and we will stop you.”
“That stupid PI has destroyed you girl,” he yelled, “you will never be able to stop me now!” Then the image disappeared, the reason being our team had gone to the room above to check on things and found two men up there who were operating things. One tried to fight and was killed, the other one surrendered and was brought down to me.
He wouldn’t talk though, so I told Rock to take him outside and let him go free, which he did. “They are taking Ron outside now,” said a man, “they seemed to be on good terms, laughing together.” Actually, it was just Rock that was laughing. “Take Ron out somewhere and kill him,” said Karl, “he obviously talked.” “Shall do Karl,” said the man, “I always figured he was weak.”
“If nothing else, Karl is losing men,” I said, “but we still don’t know where he is.” “He is in the castle,” said Rochelle, “what better place to live if you are a king?” That made sense, but where in that castle? He could be living in one of the hidden rooms, but that hardly seems like a king. So, I decided to call for some help. “Hey Cristy,” I said, “are you awake?”
“Don’t you people sleep? It’s late,” asked Cristy. “I’m sorry Cristy,” I said, “but I would only disturb you if it was a matter of utmost importance. You are such an amazing, kind and beautiful woman and I just have one tiny question.” “How can it be a tiny question and be of utmost importance?” she asked, “Um, don’t you remember that I said flattery doesn’t get you bonus points with me? (she then giggled) Okay, what is it?”
“Are there any other castles close to us that are presently being used as a private residence?” I asked. “That is of utmost importance?” she asked in return, “To check real estate in the area?” “I’m trying to find out where Karl might be living,” I replied, “since he wants to be king, living in a castle makes sense. Rochelle thought of that one, not me though.”
“I thought someone else did, since it’s a good idea,” she said. Hmm, I wonder what she meant by that? It didn’t take her long to find a castle for us to check out. It is small, but apparently very nice. We will check that out in the morning. The rest of the night passed quietly, which was nice, so we were able to get some sleep.
We were back at the castle in the morning and although the directors showed up to open the museum I told them it would be staying closed until further notice. The one man said we can’t do that, but I told them that we have been beaten and threatened, plus kidnapped and we will do what I feel is best to get things done here.
The director threatened to get the police involved to throw us out if we did not allow them to open the museum today. I then threatened to have them arrested as accomplices in the murders of the previous directors and being on the payroll of a known murderer and drug dealer. I likely couldn’t make that stick, but it might scare them a bit.
He then calmed down and suggested a compromise, so I said they could open at noon until 5pm. They all agreed to that. I also said they could work in their offices this morning. I didn’t tell them about the other director that we had found murdered yesterday. We called the police to take care of that one and they allowed us to continue working as long as we kept them informed, to which I agreed.
Back in that tunnel Sky and Carine were looking at that wall again, so I went in there too so I could see what they were looking at. All I could see were stones. I looked at Carine. “That one woman director is back in that room again, plus two other men,” she said smiling, “wish I could hear what they were saying though.” Meanwhile, I had Aari and his men checking out that other castle.
“There’s a helicopter flying around out there,” said Lionel. Karl looked out the window. “I knew Ron talked,” said Karl, “that must be those stupid PI’s watching us, not that they will see anything that will help them.” However, the helicopter was just a decoy so the guys could come in behind and get right up to that castle. They managed to do it too.
Then they climbed up the back wall which put them even with the third floor. There were bars on all the windows, but that didn’t matter for what they wanted to do. First some of the guys went down and to the front where there were two cars, likely waiting to take Karl somewhere. John disabled the security cameras while Trapper and Lance (one of Trapper’s friends) quickly went into action, running over to the cars and slipping partly underneath.
Trapper and Lance deposited a little gift under each car and left in a hurry. John left his gift by the front door, then left in a hurry also. Clarence, Cal and Burk waited for them to return, then they each smashed a window and tossed a package into 3 different rooms. Then all of them left in a hurry over the wall. “What was that noise upstairs?” asked Karl,
“Check it out right away!” Right then the helicopter returned and began shooting at the castle, smashing a lot of the windows on the one side. Then it flew off. By now the guys were safely away from the castle and Aari pressed a button. That caused the packages upstairs to explode in a ball of fire. Then he pressed a second button and the packages under the cars and by the front door exploded.
I wasn’t planning to kill Karl with this attack, but I was hoping to get him angry so that he might make a mistake and come out in the open where we can get at him easily without any of us getting killed. Kat said her father always prided himself on not making mistakes. He said that mistakes are made by fools who don’t think.
He seems to have forgotten that he made a mistake last time we met, which is why he ended up in prison. Kat also figured he must have a second secret way to get in and out of that museum. “You know where he’s hiding that stolen treasure, don’t you?” I asked Kat. “He won’t be hiding it, he will have it in the open,” she said, “it’s his symbol of power and he wants everyone to know that he is king.”
“Then we will have to take that symbol from him,” I said. “No, I will have to do it,” she countered, “you will stay behind where it is safe. He can’t hurt me.” “If I don’t go, then neither do you,” I said. “That’s blackmail,” she said frowning. “We will take Sky as well,” I said, “and we will go this afternoon when the museum is open, since we will have to pull out of there anyway.”
“Are you even listening to me?” asked Kat. “Hmm, I have an even better idea,” I said, “tell me what you think of this.” (Rusty) Meow.= Me think your human going to get in trouble. (Muffin)Meow,meow.= That normal, he need help, which leg you want? (Rusty)Meow.=Oh, I get choice? I pick right leg. (Muffin)Meow,meow.= Okay, let’s go. Chomp! Chomp! I screamed.
“Why did you two do that?” I asked. “To keep you out of trouble,” said Kat giggling, “now, if you want to come, I’m in charge, you do what I say.” “Hey, wait a minute,” I said. “Or I call Jennifer,” added Kat. “That’s blackmail,” I said. “I learned it from the best,” she said smiling.
To Be Continued.
©2025 Steve McLeod.