For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi everyone and welcome back to another fun time with fun funnies to keep you laughing throughout the weekend! 😂 Hopefully they will anyway. 😃 At least produce a laugh or two. 🙃 Maybe a chuckle or a giggle? 🙄 Anyway, as we move along, here are this week’s fun funnies for you to enjoy.
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I used to be addicted to never showering. Thankfully, I’ve been clean now for five years.
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When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a wind-up monkey that plays drums. He squealed with delight.
I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with that?”
Mom smiled and then replied, “Oh, I remember.”
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About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation. He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: “Do you play?”
I shook my head, “I used to, but I quit because I wasn’t very good. I shot consistently in the lower seventies.”
There was a long, low in-take of breath, then “The lower seventies?”
“Yes,” I admitted.
“Consistently?” he queried admiringly.
“Every hole,” I confessed.
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If you ever walk by my house and you hear yelling, it’s not really yelling. It’s motivational speaking for those who can’t listen.
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I’ve decided to buy my wife a used chess set for her birthday. I’ll be buying it at a pawn shop.
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Wouldn’t it be nice if you read a medicine bottle that says: Warning – May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy.
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SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE Part 2
You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
Cell phone companies don’t call you to switch.
You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.
You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
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Doctor, “Describe your average night.
Patient, “They wear suits of armor.”
Doctor, “No, I mean at bedtime.”
Patient, “They probably take it off.”
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It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
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Lady (to her doctor): “What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.”
Doctor: “How come?”
Lady: “According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches.”
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Last night, I accidently superglued my thumb and my pointing finger together. I’ll be okay for a while.
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My wife and I always laugh at how competitive we both are, but if the truth be known, I laugh a lot more than her.
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Well, there it is for today! Have a great weekend everyone and God bless!
Steve. 🤣 ©2026 Steve McLeod.
When Jennifer, Kat and Sky reached the front door of Patrick’s house, which was built to look like a small castle, they stopped and Jennifer reached out to hold the hands of the other two so they could all walk through the door. “Wait,” said Sky, “shouldn’t we ring the doorbell first?” “Sky, we’re ghosts,” said Jennifer, “why would we ring the doorbell?” Jennifer then started to move. “Wait,” said Sky, “what if he has company?” Jennifer and Kat looked at her. “Who cares?” said Kat, “We will just scare all of them.”
Jennifer then started to move. “Wait,” said Sky. “Now what?” asked Jennifer sighing. “Shouldn’t we be invisible when we go in?” asked Sky. “Right, good point,” she replied. All three went invisible and Jennifer started to move. “Wait,” said Sky. However, Jennifer just kept going and pulled Sky with her and in they went. Patrick was sitting in the living room on the sofa with a young woman. “Oooo, watch this,” said Sky. She then touched the light switch and all the lights in the house began going off and on. “Uh, what’s going on Patrick?” said Louise.
“I have no idea,” he replied. Then our three ghosts began to laugh in a way that sounded like it was coming from every direction. “Patrick, what are you doing?” asked Louise, “You’re scaring me with this!” “I’m not doing anything,” he said, “someone else is playing a trick on us and when I find out who, they will certainly regret it!” Suddenly everything was quiet and the lights went back to normal. Right then Patrick’s guards showed up and asked him what was going on.
That annoyed Patrick and he told them to find out who was playing tricks on them. While they were talking Louise was looking at the fireplace. There was no fire, but there was some wood in place so Sky decided to light a fire. “Patrick!” exclaimed Louise, “That fire…it just suddenly started on it’s own! This place is haunted, I’m getting out of here!” However, she wasn’t able to stand up and that really scared her. “Patrick, do something!” she screamed, “I can’t stand up!” However, Patrick was also unable to stand up, even with help from one of his guards. That’s when Kat revealed herself in a ghostly manner.
“Hello Patrick, I see you have a new girlfriend tonight,” said Kat, “being with Patrick makes you an accessory to murder.” Louise was to afraid to speak at this point. “You’re not real,” scoffed Patrick, “you’re just an image meant to scare us.” “Hmm, that’s an interesting thought,” said Kat and she walked over to the table beside the sofa and picked up the lamp, “if I am just an image, then how can I pick up this lamp?” She then put it down again. “That’s just a trick,” he said, “so you’re some kind of magician, who cares?” “Then why can’t you stand up Patrick?” she asked.
That’s when the guard pulled out his gun quickly and shot twice. “Ooooh, he shot me!” she exclaimed. Then she took her fingers and pulled the bullets out. “Nice bullets,” she said, “now it’s my turn.” She then pointed at the guard. “Now, you die,” she said. The man fell to the floor and one of the other guards rushed over to check on him. “He’s dead Patrick,” said the guard. “Call the police!” he yelled and one of the other guards took out his phone but it melted in his hand and he dropped it screaming that it burned his hand. Then Patrick took out his phone, but the same thing happened.
The third guard just stood still as he watched his phone come out of his shirt pocket all by itself, then melt and fall to the floor. Both the remaining guards took out their guns next but they were too hot to hold so they dropped those too. “You mortals are so predictable,” said Kat, “you can stand up now Patrick, if you wish, but don’t try to do anything foolish.” He stood up slowly, then he suddenly ran upstairs and locked himself in his bedroom. When he turned around he saw the same ghost standing by his bed, or at least he thought it was the same ghost, but it was really Jennifer.
Sky was the one melting phones and starting the fire. “I told you not to do anything foolish Patrick,” said Jennifer, “did you really think a locked door would stop a ghost?” She then made herself look like a real person and walked over to Patrick holding out her hand. “Touch my hand Patrick,” she said, “I’m very real.” He did so, then he quickly whipped her arm behind her back, holding it tight. “Now lady, who are you?” he asked. But Jennifer disappeared and reappeared behind him tapping his shoulder. He turned and she picked him up with one hand and tossed him onto his bed which was ten feet away.
“You let your sister rot in a prison while you live in luxury,” said Jennifer, “well, that is going to change, because you’re going to prison while she lives free.” “Who are you anyway?” asked a terrified Patrick. “I’m a ghost who helps people in trouble,” said Jennifer, “and you are definitely trouble and you will soon get to enjoy the inside of a prison.” “You can’t put me in prison,” he said laughing, “how can a ghost put me in prison?” “Just watch Patrick,” she said smiling, “and soon Alex will be spending all that money you have.” “Never!” he yelled and he pushed a button beside his bed, “Now she will never have my money.”
He then reached into the drawer of his bedside table and took out a needle and quickly stuck it into his arm. “And this ensures I don’t ever go to prison,” he said, then he dropped to the floor. Meanwhile, back home. “Why are you not in bed Steffie?” asked Friskie. “Everyone busy doing and talking so I not able to sleep,” she said. “I wonder what that button was for?” I asked, “And what did he mean that Alex wouldn’t have his money? Did you find his money yet Cristy?” “No, he sure hid it well,” she replied, “we can’t find it anywhere.” “Maybe money at home,” said Steffie, “he push button, money go poof, no more money.”
We all looked at Steffie sitting there munching on a cookie. I communicated this possibility with Jennifer. One of the guards said he kept all his money in a vault in the basement, about 5 million pounds. Apparently he only got 20 million, the rest would have come from an insurance payout over time from their parents, but there was a clause that prevented paying if the parents were murdered, which they were, so he got nothing. He spent 10 million on his house, 4 million in bribes for the trial plus another million for other spending. Pressing a button started a fire which burned the remaining money.
The police are holding the house for now, Alex might be able to claim it at some point, but she wants nothing to do with it. She just wants to start her life over again, so for now she will stay with us until she figures out what she wants to do. Helene is staying with us and has asked to join the Investigators. We will give her a new identity so her enemies can’t find her easily and we will do the same for Alex if she decides to stay with us. Katresa and Crystal, two of the wounded are not serious but will have to stay in the clinic for a day or two.
Cosette was more serious, but Samantha said she will recover fully, though it will take longer. Well, this was an interesting case, not quite what I had expected at the beginning, but I’m sure glad that Helene has changed and that we were able to help Alex get out of prison. In the news it was reported that Alex was shot dead trying to escape, that will help in giving her a new identity. Helene and some men were also shot dead helping Alex. Hmm, strange things happen these days. I hope we can relax for a few days now before another case comes along.
The End. A new case will come soon. ©2026 Steve McLeod.