For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Greetings everyone! 😃 I hope your week is going well, my week has been going as well. As well as what I’m not quite sure. 😂 Anyway, moving along, it is still hot today, but this is supposed to be the last of our hot weather for a while. It will probably take a day or two for my apartment to cool off though, one of the problems with living on the top floor I guess. Oh well, minor problem. Speaking of problems. I don’t really want to, but, yesterday as I moved a small table with plants on it, which is easy to do since it’s on wheels. Anyway, before I get more distracted, due to the heat I have been a bit dizzy, and while I moved that table I got dizzy and kind of fell against the table knocking it over, plants and all. I caught one plant. There was a bit of a mess. Okay, a big mess. Soooo, in closing, I cleaned up the mess and went to lie down. Once the heat disappears I will try to repot the plants properly and see if they survive. Now, on to the funnies…
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THINGS YOU WISH YOU’D HEAR
>From your auto mechanic:
“That part is much less expensive than I thought.”
“I’ve never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do.”
“You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the street.”
“It was just a loose wire – no charge.”
>From a store clerk:
“The computerized cash register is down. I’ll just add up your purchases with a pencil and paper.”
“We’re sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We’ll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one, or give you a complete refund – whichever you prefer.”
>From a contractor:
“Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing.”
“I think I came in a little high on that estimate.”
>From a dentist:
“I think you’re flossing too much.”
“I won’t ask any questions until I take the pick out of your mouth.”
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I like to have some peace and quiet while I’m cooking, so I took the battery out of the smoke detector.
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A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart’s desire. He paused for a moment, then said, “Well, honestly, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.” The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom! He was 90!!
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I haven’t lost my mind. Half of it wandered off, and the other half is out looking for it.
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As they wait for the bus, Mother tells little Johnny to say he’s 4 years old if the driver asks, so he can ride for free.
As they get into the bus, the driver asks Johnny how old he is.
“I am 4 years old,” Johnny replied.
“And when will you be six years old?” asked the driver.
“When I get off the bus.”
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Aging is realizing your body keeps receipts for everything you did in your 20s.
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SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE
You can’t even pay attention.
You stop getting offers from those credit card companies trying to get you to transfer your other credit card balances to theirs.
The local loan shark sees you coming and turns to start running the other way.
You hock the spare tire from your car.
When your phone service is turned off, you actually start to miss those nasty messages your credit card companies leave on your answering machine.
You try to take out a bank loan and learn you’ll have to use your first-born male child for collateral.
American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!”
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In the 1980s I was riding my bike and fell off and hurt my knee. I’m telling you now because we didn’t have social media back then.
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Well, that’s all for this week everyone! I hope you all have a great week and God bless!
Steve. 🥵 ©2026 Steve McLeod.
Helene was with me in my bedroom again tonight and she was crying as she laid beside me with her head on my shoulder once more. We were talking about different things and she was definitely scared of something, or someone. But there was more than that, she wanted to change, that was evident and yet she was still holding back for some reason. “You obviously trust me Helene,” I said gently, “or you would not have given me a gun.” “Yes Steve, I trust you 100%,” she said, “just like you said you would trust me.”
“Then why not decide to change?” I asked her, “I will take you back home with me where you will be safe and you can start over with a new life. We would all love to have you with us.” “Are you sure about that Steve?” she asked, “Would your wife love to have me join your team since I kidnapped you and then spent two nights with you? Would your daughters love to have me around? Steffie hated me and called me a bad woman.” “Steffie is a 5 year old,” I said, “she doesn’t think, she just speaks.
When she finds out why you wanted me here and that you gave me a gun to protect myself, and you, then she will change her mind. Jennifer will welcome you with open arms, that’s the way she is. If you say yes, we could leave tonight.” “Do you think that we can just leave here without anyone knowing?” she asked, “We would have to fight our way out if any of my men are actually working for one of my enemies, and I’m sure that some of them are anyway. I would like to know positively that your wife would agree to bringing me back home with you. Can you arrange that? It can’t be through a video call because those are monitored. Can you contact her with those fancy bracelets you have?”
“No, these bracelets can’t be used to contact her or anyone else,” I said, “they are for the purposes I told you about already. Plus, originally I could use them as a weapon to shoot electricity from them, but that part stopped working for some reason. Kat and Carolyn are trying out a new design, but they haven’t been tested yet. However, I do have another way to contact her, though I haven’t done so since coming here. As I mentioned, I need to keep some secrets in order to protect my team.” She looked at me as if trying to decide if I was telling the truth or just deliberately hiding things from her. “Honest, I didn’t want to keep secrets from you,” I said, “especially after our talk last night. I really do feel bad about it.”
“Don’t feel bad Steve,” she said, trying to smile through her tears, “I would do the same thing until being very sure about the other person’s intentions. Please contact her.” So, that is what I did. Jennifer asked me if I was sure she could be trusted, so I told her all that Helene had said and how she gave me a gun to use. She asked if I had told Helene how we would leave here and I said no, not yet. She scolded me for not telling Helene. I sighed. “What’s wrong Steve?” asked Helene, “Why the big sigh?”
“Actually, that wasn’t a big sigh,” I said, “you should hear some of them.” That actually got her sort of giggling. “Jennifer scolded me for not telling you how I would get you away from here,” I said. I then put my finger over my lips and pointed to the door and suddenly it flew open! Helene had her gun out with amazing speed, but it was one of her own men. “Oh, I’m sorry Helene,” he said, “I, um, heard some talking in here as I came down the hall on my rounds. I didn’t know you were in here too.”
“Now you know, so you may leave,” she said, keeping her gun pointed at him. “Yes Helene,” he said and he closed the door. “That’s a solid oak door,” she said, “and we were talking quietly. How could he hear us down the hall?” “I would say he was listening at the door,” I told her. “How did you contact Jennifer without talking or moving or anything?” she asked, rather puzzled, “One of those secret things?” “Yes, I’m afraid it is,” I said, “but, we should leave right away, is there anything you want to take with you?” She looked at me and I could tell she wasn’t quite sure whether to believe me or not.
“Remember you mentioned we seem like we could travel long distances without the aid of any kind of transportation?” I asked her. “Yes, I remember that,” she replied. “That’s how we will leave,” I said, “one of my people will come here and pick us up and take us back home together. You can be awake for the journey or she can put you to sleep first and you will wake up at our chateau.” “I would like to be awake for this mysterious journey,” she said, “and I don’t need to take anything with me. Have they figured out where you are, or will I have to tell you?” “Neither one,” I said, “now, does this mean you will come with me?”
“Yes, I want to change right now and will gladly come with you,” she replied. “Sky,” I said, and she arrived invisibly. She pointed to Helene in bed with her head on my shoulder. “What is that??” she asked. “Don’t you remember Helene?” I asked in return. “I know who it is, Mr. Funny,” she said, “I mean…” “You need to take us home right away,” I said, “Helene’s life is in danger.” “Um, who are you talking with?” asked Helene. “Oh, sorry, this is Sky,” I said, “let her see you Sky.” So she did. “Okay, this is one of your wives that is buried in your cemetery,” said Helene, “um, is she real?”
“Yes, she is real,” I said, “get up and hold my hand. Take us to our bedroom Sky.” “Oooo, this will be good,” she said. Soon we were back in our bedroom at the chateau, still in our pyjamas. Sky was standing there smiling, waiting for Jennifer’s reaction. Jennifer got up and gave Helene a big hug which made Helene cry again. The look on Sky’s face was priceless! “Welcome to our home,” said Jennifer, “and now your home too. At least I hope you will make it your home.” “I would like to very much,” said Helene, “but my past isn’t very good, actually, it’s terrible.”
“The key word there is ‘past’,” said Jennifer, “I came from a criminal background too, and killed people in that past life. But change is possible if we want it.” “I have made that decision,” said Helene, “but will your team welcome me? Sky wasn’t too happy.” Sky came over and apologized. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, “it was just finding you in bed with Steve, I wasn’t expecting that.” She then hugged Helene. We let Helene stay in our guest room so she wouldn’t be alone. Now we need to concentrate more on Alex while there is still time…
To Be Continued. ©2026 Steve McLeod.