For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi, hi everyone!😺 Welcome back to my Monday funnies post! Yep, I know, it not Monday, but it still Monday funny post just on Tuesday instead of Monday since Monday such a confusing day of week that is first day of week and second day of week at same time and that gets me confused cause I not know how day can be two days long and still be just one day long because it only one day and not two days and yet it two days not one day cause it first day of week for most of my readers and it second day of week for some of my readers and it enough to get me so frustrated not knowing what day it supposed to be and then I go wild and bite my human’s legs. Whew. That long one. My human limping this morning, guess I bite one leg more than other leg. Maybe I even it out later.😹 Here is funnies for today!
======
The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language.
She and her husband were planning a week’s vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn’t quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter.
After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC. “Does the campground have it’s own BC?” is what she actually wrote.
Well, the campground owner wasn’t old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn’t figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.
After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn’t imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about he local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it.
They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous. Even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats.
I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.
If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember, this is a friendly community.
Sincerely,
Campground Owner
======
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
======
That all for today, I hope you all have a very nice day!
Muffin. 😽
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
Hoffman’s men, there were 3 in the office with us, had just dropped their guns, being too hot for them to handle thanks to Jennifer. “Their guns will remain hot until after we leave,” I told Hoffman, “and that includes the gun in your desk drawer that you are trying to get, I would suggest you do not.” “Mind if I check?” he asked sarcastically. “It’s your fingers,” said Jennifer. Hoffman tried to pick up his gun, very carefully, and still burned his fingers.
“Good trick,” he said. “I don’t do tricks Mr. Hoffman,” said Jennifer, “I give warnings, or sometimes just have fun with people who want to try and hurt us.” “I could kill you with my bare hands,” said the doorman. “You would have to see me first,” she said. “Hey, where did she go?” he growled. Hoffman looked at him, then at Jennifer. The other two did the same. “She is still sitting on the chair beside me,” I said. “She is not!” he yelled, “Where is she?”
“She is on the chair Wade,” said Hoffman. “Then how come I can’t see her?” he asked. Jennifer then made herself visible to him again. “Because I did not want you to see me,” she said, “I can do many things you humans can’t do, because I am a ghost.” “I don’t believe this!” said the doorman, “What do you think this is, a circus? Boss, let me kill her right now!” “I could kill you just by pointing my finger at you,” said Jennifer, “just as easily as showing you my cat.”
She then reached onto her shoulder and as she brought her hands down, Jewel was there. “She is very real too,” said Jennifer, “would you like to touch her Mr. Hoffman?” She then walked over to his desk and he actually petted Jewel and she purred. Jennifer then picked her up and dropped her over the floor, but Jewel immediately disappeared. “But if you want to kill me, pick up your gun and shoot me,” she said, “it’s cold again now and I dare you to try shooting me.”
“By the way, only his gun is cold,” I said. He carefully bent down to pick it up and discovered it was indeed cold so he quickly shot three times. “Ooh, he got me!” she said, putting on quite an act. “Nice, pretty bullets,” she then said, and put them on Hoffman’s desk. “She caught those bullets,” said one of the others, “I actually saw her do it.” “You can’t kill a ghost,” she said, “I am already dead and you can’t kill someone who is already dead.”
Then the doorman’s gun returned to being hot, he yelled, and dropped his gun again. He got angry and started toward Jennifer. “Now, you die!” she said, pointing her finger at him. He fell to his knees, then flat on his face. “Check him,” said Hoffman. A man named Weller was closest, so he checked the doorman. “Cold as a rock,” he told Hoffman. “I did give him enough warnings,” said Jennifer as she sat down beside me again. “Okay, Hoffman, fun time is over,” I said, “this club of yours is surrounded by my people.
I just need to give the word and they will destroy this place and a lot of your customers will get hurt, or perhaps even killed. Your men definitely would get killed, though I might let you live. But as I said before, I have no quarrel with you right now, I just want you to stay out of my way and don’t help Ann.” “She owes me a lot of money,” he said, “when smaller groups want my backing they need to pay for it, on a monthly basis.
She is behind about a year, but she assures me that soon the money will be there once it is retrieved from a house next door to her. I take it the house belongs to your friend, correct?” “It did,” I said, “but I bought the house from her a couple days ago, so Ann has no way of retrieving the money now. Apparently it is quite a substantial amount, hidden somewhere in the house. My people have not found it yet, but they will.”
“Steve, there are a couple of gentlemen here that want to take us somewhere,” said Vlora, “and we told them we don’t wish to go anywhere. But they seem very insistent. Shall we be a bit more bold in our reply?” “One minute Vlora,” I said and looked at Hoffman, “would you care to remove your men Hoffman?” “Leave them alone Boris,” he said and the two men left the girls right away. “Thank you Hoffman,” I said, “now, we shall leave and let you enjoy your evening.” We then got up and left, joining the girls in the main room.
While we had been visiting Hoffman, the young lady that had seated us at a table when we came in, brought the girls order, along with a note. It was written in French, which Nakedra knows fluently. It was a plea for help, asking if we would take her away to safety. When we rejoined the girls the waitress arrived and Nakedra said we would take her with us and asked if she needed to pick up anything. She had her purse and said that was the only important thing she needed.
So we went to the door and the two doormen told the waitress she can’t leave, and went to grab her. But both men became paralyzed, totally unable to move. “Men are so stubborn,” said Jennifer, shaking her head. As we got outside she added, “that includes you, Steve.” Our car was waiting for us at the door and we all got in and drove away, followed by numerous motorcycles. “He did have a lot of people with him,” said Weller, as he watched the security cameras, “and they took Liza with them.”
“She finally got away,” said Hoffman, “she certainly tried enough times. But she knows nothing about our organization that can hurt us, so I will let her go this time.” I think Hoffman meant to say that he was too scared to chase after her since she was with us. “That guy certainly has a big limo,” said Weller, “I wonder who he is, really? He says the Wildcats are his girls, but when I look them up there is no mention of their boss being a man, it only mentions a woman named Kat.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want his association with those Wildcats to be known,” said Hoffman, “depending who he is, it could hurt his reputation, or his business. Keep looking for him.” “Shall do boss,” said Weller. What wasn’t mentioned earlier is that Jennifer and I had worn disguises so our faces would not be easily recognized. And, of course, Vlora and Nakedra are not on our team and can’t be easily traced, Mandar made sure of that. Now it is time to let Ann know that she made a big mistake killing two of our team members…
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.