For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi, hi everyone!😻 I back again with more fun funnies for Friday! My human say only going to have my funnies post Monday and Friday now. I say no change, like it 3 times. He say no, must change to Monday and Friday. Once he recover from bites all over legs, then we going to have discussion about changes.😹 I not good with change. I not like change, it mess up my napping routine. And that not good. If I not nap properly then I get grouchy and when I get grouchy then I like to bite and when I like to bite then my human use lots of bandages.🙄😹 Well, here is funnies for today…
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Halfway through dinner one night, our friend told us of his days playing football in college as a defensive lineman.
“Did you play sports in college,” his wife then asked me.
“Yes,” I answered. “I was on West Point’s shooting team.”
“That’s great,” she said, appropriately impressed. “Offense or defense?”
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My goal this weekend is to move just enough so no one thinks I’m dead.
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The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
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The farmer’s favorite bull wasn’t doing well at all. The vet came and looked the animal over thoroughly, then reached in his black bag and pulled out a large pill. He forced open the bull’s mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet.
Suddenly the bull leaped into the air and took off running, jumping every fence in his way.
The vet exclaimed, “Well, looks like your bull is healed!”
The farmer replied, “Great. Now give me one of those pills. I’ve gotta catch him!”
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The school of agriculture’s dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, “Why have you chosen this career?” he asked.
“I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father,” the student replied.
“Your father made a million dollars in farming?” echoed the dean much impressed.
“No,” replied the applicant. “But he always dreamed of it.”
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You ever take a nap so good that you thought you missed the school bus? But it’s Sunday. And you’re 46.
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I hate when I wake up for a glass of water in the middle of the night and eat a whole cheesecake.
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Father: “What do you want for your birthday this year?”
Kid: “I’d like a little brother.”
Father: “Oh my, that’s a big wish! Why do you want a little brother?”
Kid: “Well, there’s only so much I can blame on the dog.”
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I got a call from a scammer who said, “I’ve got all of your passwords.”
I said, “Great. What are they? I’ll grab a pen.”
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That all for today everyone. I hope you all have very nicest weekend time!
Muffin. 😽
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
As we were getting into our cars Kat and her Wildcats drove up and parked in front of the restaurant. “Wish we were there to watch,” said Jennifer. “That would be fun,” I admitted, “maybe next time we can work it out.” “The first time is always the best time,” she said, looking at me. “You should have mentioned that while we were making our plans,” I said, “besides, we already ate breakfast.” “Could always have coffee,” said Dawn, “we could pretend we have finished our shopping and are stopping in for coffee now.”
“Might work,” I said, so off we went back into the restaurant and sat down at a larger table. Kat laughed as she saw us go back inside. They waited a few minutes for us to get settled at our table and order our coffee. Then in they came, bouncing and laughing like they usually do. Kat did flips across the floor and onto Harder’s table and off the other side behind Trapper. “Morning gents!” she said loudly, “Hey, is that you behind all those whiskers?”
She looked more closely. “It is you Mr. Trapper!” she exclaimed, “Why the whiskers? You looked more handsome without them.” “I was trying to hide from you Miss Kat,” he said. “Aw, always joking Mr. Trapper,” she said, “who is your new friend here?” “None of your business, young lady,” said Harder, “now you and your friends go sit down and stop bothering us.” “I don’t think I like him Mr. Trapper,” she said, “what did you say his name was?”
“He didn’t!” yelled Harder, “Now take your little playmates and go find a sandbox to play in, and leave us alone!” “Oh, I bet your that Mr. Harder, the man that kept pestering Daddy to sell his little house in the country,” she said, no longer laughing, “well, my Wildcats and me are here to stay for a while Mr. Harder, someone tried killing my Daddy with poison and since you’re the only new person in his life, I figure this is a good place to start looking for who did it.”
“I told you to go play in the sand with your little girlfriends and stop bothering me!” he yelled again. Kat nodded to two of the girls who grabbed the table and flipped it over right onto Harder, food and all. Harder’s bodyguard went for his gun, but a gun was already right up against his head. “Mr. Harder,” said Kat, “never tangle with a Wildcat, it’s a good way to get scratched, very seriously scratched. I believe you are the one that hired someone to poison my Daddy, and I am going to prove it.
Now, normally I wouldn’t work with that cute little PI man over there, but this time I am because we are both after the same man. You are a stupid man Mr. Harder. You pick the wrong friends Mr. Trapper. Oh, I still think you look more handsome without those whiskers.” Then Kat and her Wildcats left and drove back out to the house. She had a hunch, and it paid off.
Meanwhile, Matt and his Knight Riders waited about 15 minutes after the Wildcats left before they came along. “Well, well,” said Matt, “look who is here for breakfast.” The waitress had just brought fresh food for them. “Remember me Trapper?” asked Matt, “Amazing that we should meet again so soon. Amazing, too, that you should pick losers to hang around with. Now, Mr. Harder, I would like to give you some advice, stay out of our hotel rooms, we don’t like having people going through our stuff.”
“I had nothing to do with that!” exclaimed Harder, “That was the police who searched your rooms!” “And you knew all about it because those cops work for you Harder,” said Matt, “so tell your cops to stay out of our rooms or they just might find themselves in jail.” “The police can do what they want, they had a warrant,” he said smiling. “You are a stupid man Harder,” said Matt, “killing that PI’s wife was stupid, because it brought me and my boys into the fight, and you won’t like having us around.
That PI and myself don’t see eye to eye on many things, but he saved my daughter once and I owe him for that. So I will be helping him put that killer behind bars. Trapper, I will give you some advice, don’t get in our way, because we will trample on anyone that gets in our way.” They then sat down and ordered their breakfast. “Harder, Kat was right, you are very stupid, and a fool,” said Trapper, “trying to kill Mandar so soon after trying to buy his house just makes you the number one suspect.
Then killing that PI’s wife just made him and his girls angry so that they will stick around. Then that totally foolish thing you said to him about crying over his wife’s grave. (Trapper shook his head) I don’t think you have any brains in that head of yours. If it wasn’t for Montana’s orders, me and my men would leave you in the hands of those worthless cops you hired and go back home. Now, listen close, keep your mouth shut from now on and just answer their questions politely, or let me do the talking.”
He then called Montana and told her what has been happening. She then wanted to talk with Harder and told him plainly to stop trying to play the tough guy, because he is not. She said to let Trapper take over things and she was going to send some extra men to help out since there are now three different groups involved in this. He told her not to worry so much, the coroner and original police chief are no longer around, so the PI would not be able to prove anything about Sigrid’s family.
“What about her sister Jazzy?” she asked. “I got rid of her yesterday,” he said, “she knew too much and could have caused a lot of trouble for us.” “I hope you hid her body so it can’t be found,” she said. “I had my men put it in the basement of that house,” he said, “the cops found a knife belonging to one of those Knight Riders and used it to kill her, so it will have his fingerprints on it. A perfect frame.” There was silence.
“And that will get those Knight Riders so angry they will kill you and go home,” she said, “and probably kill a few others at the same time. I think Trapper is right, you don’t have any brains! Now, go back home and don’t do anything else, just let me do some thinking first. Can you do that?” “Yes, of course, right away Montana,” he said. Then he and the others got up and left. Midnight had been hiding under a table next to theirs and listened to the whole conversation.
After they were gone he came running over to me. Meow.= Bad news, very bad. “Well, what is it Midnight?” I asked. Meow.= Not can talk here, must go back to house. So, off we went and I made sure that Sigrid was in the other car. I thought there might be information that Midnight did not want her to hear, and I was right. Apparently Jazzy wasn’t just randomly taken by Harder, she was working for him then until now.
And we know Sigrid’s parents work both working for him too. Her dad was big and tough so Harder trained him to be a “tax collector”, as Harder called him. Her mom was Harder’s personal secretary and secret girlfriend, which Montana obviously never knew about or Harder would not be alive right now.
Meanwhile, as mentioned earlier, Kat had a hunch so she and her Wildcats headed back to the house quickly. Kat did not like what she saw…
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.