For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi, hi everyone!😻 Here I am, back with more fun funnies to help bring laughs to your week! After all, it long week and only half way through. You probably dragging around already and… Okay, I back again. Seems it rained in here and my human say it because I going in wrong direction. Not sure how I go in wrong direction when I just sitting here telling my human what to write and he spill water on my head. He say it accident. I not so sure, but not can prove. But I sure going to watch him close from now on.😾 Anyway, here is funnies for you today…
======
It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home only with her 3-year-old daughter, Katelyn. Heidi started to go into labor and called 911. Due to a power outage in the city at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Katelyn quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again.”
======
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child.
It went like this: “Some parents,” she said, “tell the older child, ‘We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.’ But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, ‘Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'”
One of the women spoke up immediately. “Does she cook???”
======
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
======
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
======
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They crack themselves up.
======
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister.
The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they’d have to move.
“It’s no use,” Robbie said. “She’s crawling good now and she’d probably just follow us.”
======
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
======
Well, that all for now, hope you all have a great middle of the week day!
Muffin. 😽
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
Poor Erika, she has been through so much, and now seeing her new “dad” lying on the floor covered in blood on his back, all she could think about was that I was dead. Kat was there rubbing the area where I had been shot and Erika yelled at her to stop, that her “dad” needed a doctor, or maybe it was even too late for that. She thought Kat was hurting me somehow, so Jennifer had to hold her back from hitting Kat. “Stay calm, little daughter,” said Jennifer, “Kat is a doctor, a special doctor for Steve, if anyone can help him, she can.”
“Oh, I, I’m sorry,” she said, anxious and shaking from all that just happened, “will Kat hate me now?” “No, I am quite sure that Kat will not hate you,” said Jennifer, “Kat understands that all of this is hard on you. If that explosion had not killed Bart, then Kat would have killed him in order to protect you. Kat loves you too. In fact, all of the girls on our team love you.” “Dawn, help me get Steve to his bed,” said Kat, “he will be okay, he just needs to relax for a little while. That was a close call.”
“I will help Dawn,” said Samantha, “you should relax a bit yourself.” Kat turned and held out her hand to Erika. “Would you like to come with me and lie down with your dad for a while?” asked Kat. Erika smiled, took Kat’s hand and off they went to our bedroom. About half an hour later I was sitting up in bed and called Annelie. “I want a helicopter here right away,” I said, “it will pick up…” “Just me, Erika and Dordi,” said Sky, “and drop off someone to replace me if possible.” “That can be done Sky,” said Annelie.
Just then we heard Marchelline yelling for help downstairs. “Check on things Kat!” I exclaimed, and off she went. Marchelline was at the bottom of the stairs, very upset, something totally odd for this woman who never showed emotion of any kind. “Dordi, she always naps after lunch, so I go check on her because of everything happening now,” she began, “come, I show you, it is just horrible!” Kat and some of the girls followed her to Dordi’s room. Dordi was in bed, obviously stabbed to death.
There was also a large, old lamp hanging from the ceiling. Kat stood on the bed and held Rusty up to the lamp. Sure enough there was a camera attached, which put it right over the middle of the bed. Kat called to let me know what she found. So all 3 kids had been abused, and now 2 were dead. We will keep Erika alive! Marchelline was then brought up to our bedroom and I talked to her for a few minutes, then she went back to her work. Meow,meow!=Chop, chop coming! “Okay everyone, outside,” I said, “Kat, Angel, try to make sure that chopper gets away safe.” “Shall do Steve,” said Kat.
The chopper set down, Victoria jumped out, Sky and Erika climbed in, along with Muffin, and the helicopter was in the air and climbing quickly. Soon it was out of sight. Erika had fallen in love with Muffin and asked if she could go home with them, so I said yes. Muffin was okay with that too. Then I told Kat to find that hidden door behind the large painting at the end of our hall. Rusty and Storm went along to help. Jewel, Midnight and Ginger were in our bedroom, along with Dawn, Cynthia and Galyna. Sky said they must stay with Jennifer and I, just in case.
And if Jennifer needs to help elsewhere, then Beryan would come to help protect me. It did not take long for Rusty and Storm to figure out how to open that secret door. I told Kat she had to take 5 others with her, and 3 cats, so, since Cathy was with her team, then Cathy’s cat Jasmine went along too. Kat went in the lead with the cats so she could protect the others from any possible traps that might be along the way. Sure enough, in one spot some spikes came out of one side of the passage and hit the wall on the other side.
But the two spikes that should have hit Kat stopped just inches away from her. They found a button on the wall that pulled the spikes back into place. Then they could all walk across with no problem. “Guess it takes a while to reset,” said Kat. Anyway, they continued their search. “Why didn’t that thing work?” asked Gabby, “we just checked it this morning.” “It is rather old,” said Wellington. “Excuses, that is all I ever get,” she remarked, “at least now Bjorn will know I am not fooling around, I want total leadership of this gang, or he will die too. Why must he be so stubborn?”
“He always wanted total control,” said Wellington, “and Bart was okay with that.” “Bart only cared about his sex business,” said Gabby, “he did not care about anything else.” “He made a lot of money with that,” said Wellington, “now we have lost that.” “We can do it ourselves,” said Gabby, “you could run that better than Bart.” “We need kids though,” he said. “Kids are everywhere, unfortunately,” she replied, “I will get you lots of them, just keep them away from me, that’s all. Kids make me so nervous. What about that other gang that showed up in our area?”
“The Knight Riders are all over Europe now,” he said, “a tough bunch of guys that don’t care about anything or anyone. Best to leave them alone.” “They better leave us alone,” said Gabby, “but perhaps they will do us a favor by giving Bjorn a hard time.” Speaking of Bjorn, he came home mid afternoon and was angry as a hornet. He was blaming me for what happened, including the death of his son and daughter, plus the mysterious disappearance of Erika. I told him it was his fault for leaving and not telling me, plus leaving Bart in charge. “Enar and Dordi were killed under his care, not ours,” I said.
He also told us to pack up and leave, we were no longer welcome. “We will leave when I am ready,” I told him, “one of my girls was wounded, another was killed. We will go when I find out who did it and why. I could have you arrested right now for your part in sex trafficking and you would be in prison for a long time. Except, of course, that people like you are not respected by other prisoners because you use children.
So, I doubt you would live long. Now, perhaps you should start telling the truth and maybe we can find your wife, your second wife that is. Your previous gang had three leaders, you, Bart and a woman named Gabby who at least played the part of your second wife Gabriella. She obviously wants something from you and that is why she killed your son…
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.