For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi hi to everyone on this Monday afternoon time!😺 I back once more with some fun funnies for all of you to read and chuckle about! I think that some of them are really quite funny. Me think so anyway. One is very long, so I not say much so you can enjoy funnies more…
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I asked my daughter to give me the phone book.
She laughed at me, called me a dinosaur, and lent me her iPhone.
So the spider is dead, the iPhone is broken, and my daughter is furious.
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Our crazy dogs has been barking way too much lately and I am not a fan of the electric zapping bark collars. I was at my wits end so I purchased one of those so-called humane citronella collars. It is designed so that when the dog barks, it would shoot out a blast of citronella under his nose.
This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the stuff … and that’s where my morning should have ended. But NO! – it’s me, and I begin to become curious as to how said collar works.
I am standing on my porch “barking” at the collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it’s turned on, recheck the fill level, and go through the “getting started” checklist one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens.
Now I’m not quite sure *why* I had this next thought, but I did … I put on the collar. I extended the band, fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue to squirt bug juice over and over into my nasal cavity. I am now on my hands and knees gasping for air, and to make matters worse, our dogs are now non-stop barking. So between coughing and yelling at the dogs to stop, I’ve emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face.
During all of this ruckus, I’m trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco. I finally get the collar off and threw that crazy (inhumane) devilish contraption across the yard! As I am laying on my porch, totally out of breath trying to suck in the cool morning air, I am thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I’ve done in a while.
Then I hear laughter. My neighbor had witness the whole thing. He was belly laughing and in between gasps, he tells me,
“I was going to come over and help, but every time I started toward your house, you’d set it off again and then I would start laughing so hard I couldn’t walk.” So here I am, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. I came inside to take a shower so I wouldn’t be smelling like ode de’ Tiki Torch, thinking over the lessons learned:
1) Don’t test dog collars on oneself.
2) My neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedic crisis situation.
3) I won’t have any bug problems for a few days.
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If you wanted people to eat something would you name it succotash?
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Why is it at class reunions, you always feel so much younger than everyone else looks?
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That all for today, have great Monday!
Muffin. 😽
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
Kat sent Jennifer a message once all the girls and the old couple were safe once again. Jennifer let me know that all was well. Kat and some of the Wildcats stayed at the neighbors house and waited for the husband to arrive home, which he did very soon after the others were taken out to safety. Danny and his 4 friends were taken alive and locked in the room where they had kept the girls. Several of the Wildcats, and some cats, stayed at that house too, so they could protect the lady and her children. Sherry, the waitress, is also staying there since she knows Jackie and her kids.
Jackie used to be a waitress at that same restaurant part time when her mom was able to babysit the kids. But her mom died suddenly about 3 weeks ago. Jackie thinks her husband, Danny, killed her, but she cannot prove it. She fell down the stairs to the basement, but Jackie thinks Danny pushed her. “Okay Tucker,” I said, “time to help yourself and tell me what is going on. We know your men helped to kidnap those Wildcats, which could mean that you gave the order to do so.” “Now wait,” he said nervously, “I had nothing to do with that, it was all General Bess’ idea.
She wanted to get you out in the open so she could kill you, but I don’t know why.” “Neither do I,” I told him, “I have never even heard of her before now. Usually when people want to kill me, there is a reason that I know about. Did you also know that Danny, next door to Sunrise, was working for the General? And that Sunrise was his girlfriend?” “I never knew any of that,” he admitted. “What about Mitch and Anne,” I began, “do they work for the General too?” “Not that I am aware of,” he said, “Anne hates the General and is not afraid to say so. Maybe the General finally caught up with those two and got rid of them. Why don’t you just go and ask the General?”
“Maybe I will, if she is still alive,” I said, “I will find out soon about that.” Meanwhile, “Look, we could work together and get rid of that PI and a lot of his people too,” said the General, “after all, we may not like each other, but we have a common enemy in Steve. And an opportunity to finish him off for ever!” “General,” he said, “I have no quarrel with Steve or his Investigators at this time. He has not gotten in my way at all, but he did let me know where you were hiding. I owe him a little for that bit of information.”
“You traitor!” she yelled, and pulled out her gun. But her and her men were outgunned by a large margin and none of them were able to fire a shot, before they were all dead. I then got an anonymous call telling me that the General was no longer a problem. “I take it you heard that Tucker,” I said, “now the General and all her drug dealing and gun smuggling days are over. I imagine that she was involved in other things too, but those two things were where she made most of her money. Right Weller?”
“Uh, yeah, it was indeed,” he said quietly, “and I know why she wanted to kill you. She was a good friend of Toledo and wanted to avenge his death. She blamed you for killing him.” “Well now, that is interesting to know,” I said, “even though Toledo has been dead for quite some time now, his name still keeps popping up. And I didn’t even kill him. Though he was killed by the woman whom he had killed some 9 months earlier.” “That is impossible,” said Tucker, “a dead woman can’t kill anyone!”
“She can if she comes back as a ghost,” said Jennifer calmly, “just like me.” She then disappeared. Poor Tucker, he jumped so suddenly that he fell backwards over his chair. Weller almost did the same. Jennifer then reappeared right beside Tucker. I am sure he jumped right off the floor! “This is Jennifer,” I said, “she is also a ghost, and she also came back about 9 months after being killed by Toledo. By the way, she can kill someone with just one kick. Would either of you like her to prove it? Now, perhaps we can start over with basic questions, such as, where can we find Mitch and Anne.
They must have another place where they go from time to time, a place that you likely know about.” “Anne has a house over in Spring Creek, 219 Brook Street,” said Weller. “Now, that was not so hard, was it?” I said, “However, if you are lying to me, we will be back, and you won’t like it when we do come back looking for you.” Then off we went to Spring Creek, another small town of only about 5,000 people. Meanwhile, after we left, I contacted Aari to let him know where we were going, and that it was now his turn. “Anne, Weller here,” he said, “Steve and his Investigators are on their way to your place in Spring Creek.”
There was a pause. “Yeah, I know,” said Weller, “but what could I do? He had a gun at me, I had to tell him, but that is why I’m warning you now so you can get away from there.” There is another pause. “Okay,” he said, “Tucker and I will get that money to you, and we will get the stuff from that old house too and meet you at our place in Pine Ridge.” There is another pause. “Well, I’m not sure how long they will be around,” said Weller, “but we will try to be there in about a week. We will go into hiding until then.” “Okay, but I need that money now,” said Anne.
“Yeah, we will leave it at drop 10 for you,” said Weller. She then hung up and left her house quickly before we got there. There was no car around when we arrived, so we split up, some went to the back, the rest of us to the front door. Roxette put her little device on the door knob and we stood back as she pressed the button. The door blew open nicely for us and in we went quickly. Two of the girls went to the back and let the others inside, then we searched the house. We found Mitch in bed upstairs, dead. He had been shot. I guess Anne didn’t want to take him along.
“She got away,” I said, “but at least we have a photo of her, so she won’t get far.” “She just might Steve,” said Jennifer, “look at this.” She had everything she needed to make herself a mask, so who knows what she looks like. She was careful to destroy the mold she used for making that mask too. There were also several wigs left behind, so that means her hair is now different too. Finding her will not be as simple as I thought, she could travel a long distance with her new identity. Back at the old house. “Sunrise is gone!” yelled Amber…
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.