For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi, hi everyone!😺 I back again with more fun funnies for you! Wow, days go by so fast it hard to keep up with finding all these nice funnies to share with you. But not to worry, today I sit next to my human filing my claws. That always work to make him do things faster. Like finding more funnies for me to use. He been kind of slow at that lately, so I need to get him moving faster. Otherwise we end up in real disaster! So I just show him who is real master. That way we make sure he not time waster. Hehehe!😹🙄 Okay, here is fun funnies for today…
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A man is in bed with his wife when there is knocking on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock. It’s half past three in the morning.
“I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.
“Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
“Hi there,” slurs the stranger, “Can you give me a push?”
“No, get lost, it’s half past three. I was in bed,” says the man and slams the door.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says “Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost?”
“But the guy was drunk,” says the husband.
“It doesn’t matter,” says the wife. “He needs our help.”
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, “Hey, do you still want a push?” and he hears a voice cry out, “Yeah, please!”
So, still being unable to see the stranger, he wanders out into the rain and shouts: “Where are you?”
And the stranger replies: “I’m over here, on your swing.”
====== CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS
~ Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
~ A woman’s blouse was found at a table in the middle of the servant appreciation dinner. If you lost your blouse, please come to the church office.
~ Overeaters Anonymous meeting will be held at 8 pm in the large room.
~ Women’s Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.
~ Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.
~ If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
~ The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary’s Cathedral.
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I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
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That all for today everyone! I hope you have nice Wednesday!
Muffin. 😻
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
Mandar, casual as can be, went into a certain nightclub at around 9pm. He took with him his two lady friends, Penny and Ginnifer, who were also his bodyguards. They sat down at a table and ordered something to eat from a very pleasant waitress named Adalira. She soon came back with something to drink for each of them and that is when Mandar asked to see Raymundo, the owner of the nightclub and a few other things.
“Your name please?” she asked. “Mandar, my dear,” he said cheerfully. “Full name please,” she said again. “That is my full name, my dear,” he said, “Raymundo will want to speak with me.” She then left, going down a hall and knocked on a door. A man answered and she gave him the message. “Someone to see you boss,” said Felipe, “a man named Mandar, no other name, said you would want to talk with him.”
He turned on his security screen. “I have never seen him before,” said Raymundo, “but he has me intrigued. Check him out Alfonso. Felipe, you come with me.” So, the two men came and sat down at the table with Mandar and his girls. “I am Raymundo,” he said. “Yes, I know,” said Mandar, “you are the owner of this very nice establishment, and the food is excellent.”
“Thank you,” said Raymundo, “but surely you wish to talk of more important things to ask for me.” “Oh yes indeed, my good man,” said Mandar, “aside from owning this establishment, you also own some other things around here, including, shall we say, muscle, to keep people in line.” “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he said, “but I might suggest you leave once you are finished eating.”
“Too bad,” said Mandar, “I was going to enjoy some of your fine gambling.” “I do not have any gambling on this premises,” said Raymundo, “but I could direct you to some just down the street.” “I guess that I was misinformed,” said Mandar, “but perhaps I can also give you some misinformation. A man of my acquaintance, named Albano Delgado, has been beaten and his shop destroyed, by men claiming to work for you, all because he opened a small carpentry business.
He has hurt no one and I do not enjoy hearing that my friends find themselves in such a position. (he then turned to Felipe) You had better ask your boss before using that gun, because he will die also as I have a gun pointed at him right now too.” Mandar smiled. “No one can get in here with a gun old man,” said Felipe, smiling back.
Then Penny pulled back her light jacket, revealing a gun. “These girls can pull their guns out and shoot, accurately, in just over one second,” said Mandar, “and they brought their guns in here, as have I.” “Put it away Felipe,” said Raymundo, “I have not sent any of my men to rough up your friend Mandar, so we shall leave it at that and you may leave unharmed. But do not return.”
“If you tell the truth, I will not need to return,” said Mandar, “if you are lying to me, you will not like the results.” Mandar and the girls then got up and left. “Felipe,” said Raymundo, “find out who those men are posing to be working for me. Someone is trying to move into my territory and they must be stopped quickly.” “I will get on it right away boss,” he said, and off he went.
Raymundo then went to his office. “What have you found out about Mandar, Alfonso?” he asked. “He has an organization called “Mandar and Company”, he said, “his personal declared income last year was £$5 million. No known criminal association, however, it is believed that he does have criminal connections. He does have a few, small, legitimate businesses across Europe, though none in Spain.”
“I want more information than that,” said Raymundo, “and I want it by morning.” Just then a woman came into the office. “Ah, Dabora my darling,” said Raymundo, “see if you can find out who might be wanting to move into my territory. Someone is doing so and it is bringing in unwanted attention, and I want that information by morning please.” “I will do my best Raymundo dear,” she said. Morning for Raymundo begins at noon and he makes sure that all his staff knows that too.
Meanwhile, “Anything newsworthy Mandar?” I asked as we drove away. “He claims that he did not do it,” said Mandar, “his answer seemed genuine enough, though he could be a good liar.” Miles then pulled into a store parking area and dropped me off. I ran over to my car where Jennifer and 3 other girls were waiting for me. We then went quickly to our hotel.
Cynthia and Aasta are staying in the room with Jennifer and I. We also have Muffin, Jewel, Midnight and Rascal. Once back at the hotel I called Oskar to see how things are going over there. “Eina (his sister) is very worried for the children,” he said, “but she does not want to leave, she is not a coward.” “She needs to think of the children first,” I said, “perhaps she could take the children to your parents for a while until this is over.”
The kids are just 2 and 4 years old. That is what she did, planning to return later the next day since she did not want to leave her husband for too long. The next morning there was a knock at her flat door and Aari answered. There were 3 men standing there and asked for Eina. Aari told them to come in, he is fluent in Spanish. They came inside and the door slammed shut behind them.
They turned to see Wee Willie and Oskar smiling at them. Soon the 3 men were lying on the floor. Once they were awake again Aari tried to get some information out of them. They claimed to work for Raymundo and Aari told them they were lying, and if they did not tell the truth, then his men would question them their way.
The men said nothing, so Oskar and Willie tried more persuasion. The men still said the same thing, though Aari could see that one of them might be willing to talk, so he handed the men to Oskar one at a time and he easily knocked them out. “Now, your turn,” said Aari to the third man, “unless you wish to say something.” The man was very nervous and wanted protection…
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.