For a smile as wide as a country sunrise
Hi to everyone and Happy Friday to all you humans out there! And a big meow to all my cat friends out there too! Also a special Happy International Women’s Day to all my human women readers! It seem like sorta cold day today so I curled up on my favorite chair with warm blanket and just tell my human what to write for me. He listen better today so I not bite him, even though he still late doing this. Maybe we have another discussion about that a bit later, after my morning nap is done. Anyway, here is funnies for today…
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I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t get it.
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A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind. Written in large black letters was the sentence, “Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!”
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
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Talk is cheap. That’s why so many people do so much of it.
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I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
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I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.
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During his wedding rehearsal, the groom approached his pastor with an unusual offer. “I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows, and leave out the ‘love, honor, obey, and forsake all others’ part.” He pressed a $100 bill in the pastor’s hand and walked away with a satisfied smile.
On the day of the wedding, the groom was feeling pretty pleased when the pastor got to the part where the vows are exchanged. The pastor looked him in the eye and asked, “Will you promise to bow before her, obey whatever command she gives, fulfill her every wish, serve her breakfast each morning, and swear before God that you’ll not look at another woman as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked astonished, but he finally said “Yes” in a tiny voice. He then leaned in toward the pastor and whispered, “I thought we had a deal!”
The pastor pressed the $100 bill back into his hand and whispered in return,
“She made me a much better offer.”
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Well, that all for today, back to my nap and I hope you all have a very nice weekend time!
Muffin.
©2024 Muffin McLeod.
Matt and his team followed us back to the house so I invited him into the living room. Miles and John came in with him and we talked about things that happened this morning, hoping that Buck or Bear would be listening to us. “We may be on the opposite side of things,” said Uncle Matt, “but we both want to find Patty’s killer, so maybe we can help each other a bit. Look in here.”
He handed me an urn with ashes in it. “That is what is left of Patty,” he said, “they sure had her cremated fast to hide the evidence, but they forgot something.” I moved the ashes around a bit with my pen and discovered 3 bullets inside. “Well, it will not be hard to prove these are the bullets that killed Patty,” I said.
“And that they came from a certain gun which we have,” said Uncle Matt, “but that does not prove who pulled the trigger, whoever shot her was wearing gloves. Oh, Flo and her kids went to spend time with her parents in Toronto, not sure what happened with Alice and her family.” “What do you mean by that?” I asked.
“Those cops claimed they showed up at the house before us and the whole family was dead, they had been stabbed,” he informed us, “but when we got there no one was around.” “That means those cops interrupted the killers,” I said, “and when they left, the killers took the bodies away somewhere to hide them.” “Could be,” said Uncle Matt, “but there must have been quite a few of them to remove the bodies and clean up the place so fast.”
“True, but it obviously was done,” I said, “which means that someone else is out here looking.” “All I know is, they better stay out of our way,” said Uncle Matt, “because my patience is just about done. I will leave that with you, but don’t lose it!” “We will guard it carefully,” I told him and then they left, going back to town. “Um, Steve,” began Kera, but I just shook my head so she would not say anymore.
I knew what she was thinking. She just smiled. Meanwhile, those cops made another phone call. “Now what do you want?” asked Buck. “We have two of your friends here, Lynx and Woodchuck,” said cop 1. “What are they doing in town??” he asked, “they are supposed to be upstairs going through the PI’s stuff!” “They were brought in by those PI’s,” said cop 1, “and they are dead.
Apparently they got caught, and killed. That head PI said to keep your boys away from them or they will end up dead too.” “I told those 2 to be careful,” said Buck, “now, what about Alice and her family?” “They were gone,” said cop 1, “everything was back to normal, except the whole family was gone. I know they were dead, I checked each of them, no pulse, no breathing.
And I know the kids are ticklish, so I tickled them, but nothing.” “And now they are gone, I do not like this at all,” said Buck, “and I am beginning to think there is no silver or gold in this place, we have not found a thing so far.” “Do you think Bear would kill his family?” asked cop 1. “I don’t know, he sure is nervous right now though,” said Buck, “I think he knows something he is not telling me, and Hawk has not come back yet either.
Nothing is going right! Gotta go, Owl has some news.” He hung up and Owl told him what he heard Matt and I talking about. “We have to get that urn and dispose of those bullets,” said Buck, “we do not need more trouble.” “They put it on the mantel over the fireplace,” he said, “so I can get it tonight when they are in their rooms.” “Sounds good,” said Buck, “take Fox with you as well.”
That afternoon we were out looking around again for another entrance to that old mine, if that is what it is, but we were not finding anything. Kristina, Kat, Jennifer and I were walking along the side of the house and we had Storm with us. Suddenly Storm stopped and began to growl, looking under the house…
To Be Continued.
©2024 Steve McLeod.