Hi everyone, it’s time for a bit more humor from my collection. So, grab a cup of coffee or tea, sit back, relax and hopefully you will get a smile and maybe even a laugh or two. Enjoy!
SIGNS OF LIFE
Sign outside a hotel. ‘Help! We need inn-experienced people!’
Sign at farmer’s field= The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
Sign on front door= everyone in the house is a vegetarian, except the dog.
Non-smoking area= if we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
Sign on fence= salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive.
Optometrists office= if you don’t see what you are looking for, you have come to the right place.
Car Classified Ad Claims:
If the car ad claims……What it really means
~Rough condition……To bad to lie about
~Parts car……Beyond repair
~Engine quiet……If you use 90 weight oil
~Needs minor overhaul…..Needs engine
~Needs major overhaul….Phone junkyard
~Burns no oil…..It all leaked out
~Rebuilt engine…..Cleaned the spark plugs
~Drive it away…..I live on a hill
~Drive it anywhere….Within 10 miles
~Desirable classic…..No one wants it
~Rare classic…..No one wanted it even when it was new
~Stored 20 years…..In a farmer’s field
~Ran when stored….Won’t start
Little Emily was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?”
Her mother asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one.”
Today more and more cities have red light cameras, to take photos of cars running red lights.
In one particular city, a man received a ticket in the mail along with a picture of himself in a car, running the red light. The fine was $200.
So the man, thinking that this just wasn’t right, got two $100 bills, took a picture of them, and sent in the picture to the police.
One week later he received a picture of a pair of handcuffs. He promptly sent the money that day.
Well, I hope you have enjoyed at least some of these chuckles from my collection of humor gathered over the years. Have a great weekend and God bless!
Steve and Muffin.
© 2020 Steve McLeod.