Hi everyone! I haven’t shared anything from my funny folder for a long time so here is something for you to enjoy, or not, depending on your funny bone, or in my case bones. I seem to have a lot of them because I’m constantly laughing at things and I could just see me in a similar situation. Actually I am going to share something in the near future with me in it, kind of. Anyway, here is today’s funny:
Our crazy dogs has been barking way too much lately and I am not a fan of the electric zapping bark collars. I was at my wits end so I purchased one of those so-called humane citronella collars. It is designed so that when the dog barks, it would shoot out a blast of citronella under his nose.
This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the stuff … and that’s where my morning should have ended. But NO! – it’s me, and I begin to become curious as to how said collar works.
I am standing on my porch “barking” at the collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it’s turned on, recheck the fill level, and go through the “getting started” checklist one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens.
Now I’m not quite sure why I had this next thought, but I did … I put on the collar. I extended the band, fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the collar to continue to squirt bug juice over and over into my nasal cavity. I am now on my hands and knees gasping for air, and to make matters worse, our dogs are now non-stop barking. So between coughing and yelling at the dogs to stop, I’ve emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face.
During all of this ruckus, I’m trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco. I finally get the collar off and threw that crazy (inhumane) devilish contraption across the yard! As I am laying on my porch, totally out of breath trying to suck in the cool morning air, I am thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I’ve done in a while.
Then I hear laughter.
My neighbor had witness the whole thing. He was belly laughing and in between gasps, he tells me, “I was going to come over and help, but every time I started toward your house, you’d set it off again and then I would start laughing so hard I couldn’t walk.”
So here I am, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. I came inside to take a shower so I wouldn’t be smelling like ode de’ Tiki Torch, thinking over the lessons learned:
1) Don’t test dog collars on oneself.
2) My neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedic crisis situation.
3) I won’t have any bug problems for a few days.
Have a wonderful laughing weekend and God bless!
Steve and Muffin.
©2021 Steve McLeod.