Tuesday’s Laughter. #12

Hello everyone! Well, it’s a cool, cloudy and rainy day here today. I’m beginning to think I say this same thing every day, but then, I don’t usually think, it gives me a headache. Oh well. Anyway, here is today’s selection of humorously fun funnies for your laughing, or groaning, pleasure!

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There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn’t know what Johnny’s problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel – they said, because it was bigger.

One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”

Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!”

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Nutritionists say that eating healthy involves filling your plate with bright colors: Greens, reds, yellows. So I had a bowl of M&Ms.

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Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food at Department store. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to give it a try again. (I have to mention here that everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to scratch my fleas and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.

The department store won’t let me shop there anymore.

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Office attire was never Clark Kent’s strong suit.

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My wife came downstairs to my office where I was working and asked if I’d seen the cat. I hadn’t, but since I was working in the garage earlier and she hadn’t seen it since then, she swore I must have let it get out.

We never let the cat outside because my wife is afraid it will get hurt or lost. I was pretty sure I didn’t let the cat out, but I couldn’t find it either.

She was getting madder at me by the minute as she convinced herself it was all my doing, so I jumped in the car and drove around looking for the darn thing…in a heavy snowstorm…for over 2 hours.

She was sure she’d never see the cat again by now, and I was in the doghouse. It wasn’t until she went to bed that she heard a faint meow. It seems my wife shut the cat in the bathroom closet when she got out a towel to take a shower.

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Our generation made prank phone calls as kids. Now we’re terrorized by robo-calls.

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That’s it for today everyone, I hope you all have a great week and God bless!

Steve. ©2026 Steve McLeod.