Hi, hi to everyone!😻 Well, it not exactly Monday, but I back anyway. My human and me have long discussions about my missing funny posts. We miss one last Friday too. Not good thing, I tell him. He say sorry though. He learning, but still need some lessons so he learn more. He such slow learner. But because he say sorry really quick, then I only bite him half the times I was planning. He run all over apartment trying to get away from our discussion time, but I keep finding him! Then we run some more until he slip and run into wall. Not sure why he want to do that. Seems to me like that would hurt.🙀 One day he might break wall, then he be in trouble. Oh well. Here is today’s funnies for you…

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Janice, my sister, had been pestering her husband, a carpenter, for more than a decade to build a screen door for the kitchen.

One day, to her delight, he built and installed one in less than two hours. It was both practical and pretty. She glanced towards the front door and wistfully remarked that one would look good there, as well.

“Are you kidding?” he gasped. “You can’t just whip these things up, you know. It takes ten years to build a door like this.”

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Money can’t buy everything…but then again, neither can no money.

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For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room.  I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards.  She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.

She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen.  The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor quaking red-faced.

I started to type, “Leave me alone!”

They both jumped back, silenced.  “What?!” exclaimed the teacher.

I typed, “I said leave me alone!”

The woman got real upset.  “I didn’t do anything to it, I swear!”

It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud.  This conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.

Me:  “Don’t touch me!”

Her:  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit your keys that hard.”

Me: “Who do you think you are anyway?!” etc.  Finally, I couldn’t contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.

After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red.

Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

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Just booked a vacation to Greenwich. Not sure what I’m going to do in the mean time.

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A big, burly man visited a home and asked to see the man’s wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

“Madam,” he said in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father of the family is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $4000.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the woman. “May I ask who you are?”

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. “I’m the landlord,” he sobbed.

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I just got a present labeled, “From Mom and Dad,” and I know for sure that Dad has no idea what’s inside.

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Well, that all for today, have very nice day to all of you!

Muffin. 😽

©2024 Steve McLeod