Muffin’s Meowings. #6

Hi all my favorite human people out there! It me, Muffin😺, here with more funny fun things for you to enjoy and laugh about! Me hope you really like. Me also say sorry about being so late today, but my human forget to post this early like normal Monday morning. So, while you read and have fun, me go find my humans feet and have some fun too!

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WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
– Abraham Lincoln

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
– Oscar Wilde

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”
– Samuel Johnson

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
– Walter Kerr

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
– Mark Twain

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My going-out clothes have missed me so much. I put them on yesterday and they hugged me so tightly I couldn’t move.

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Nick lives in a subdivision that branches off the main highway.  He drives a Corvette, and thinks the only two speeds are “STOP” and “FULL SPEED.”

One day, when he was late for work, he comes tearing out the road from his house, tops the little hill before getting to the main road, and sees a police car blocking the road.  He slams on the brakes and comes to a screeching halt about 6 inches from the police car.  The policeman, who had often seen him driving fast, walked up and said, “Mister, I’ve been waiting for you all morning…”

Nick replied “Well, I got here as fast as I could!”

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If poison is past its expiration date, does that mean it’s less or more poisonous?

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Two new carpenters, first day on the job, are nailing new siding to a house. About half of the nails that carpenter #1 pulls out of his bag of nails are tossed over his shoulder. The others are successfully used to put up the siding.

Carpenter #2 asks, “What are you doing?!?”

The first carpenter replies, “I can’t use about half of these nails because they’re pointed in the wrong direction!”

The second carpenter tells him, “Don’t be stupid. Those are for the other side of the house!”

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Why hire someone to find water when a kid with new shoes will do it for free?

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That it for today favorite human people, please come next week for more fun with Muffin! Have nice day to you!

Muffin.😻

©2023 Steve McLeod.